The G-spot and female orgasm. Female ejaculation and how to achieve it.
It’s a subject that fascinates everybody, judging by the amount of internet space devoted to it. Is there a G-spot in the vagina? If so, what exactly is it? And is the much talked about phenomenon of female ejaculation real? And if so, is this the best way to satisfy a a woman in bed?
One of the best references I have seen on this subject is the book Female Ejaculation and The G-spot, by Deborah Sundahl. This is billed on the cover as “Not Your Mother’s Orgasm Book”, and boy, how true that is! However, it is essential reading for anyone who wants to enjoy these aspects of sex. Buy it by clicking here.
Some women cannot reach orgasm during intercourse and some women cannot reach orgasm during masturbation.
For either women who are completely anorgasmic, or women who simply can’t orgasm during sex, this website shows men things they need to know about giving women orgasms and pleasure in bed.
As Deborah Sundahl says in her book, “Female ejaculation is inherently feminine, as well as fun and sexy. The sensation of ejaculating is freeing and erotic. But that’s not all. Learning about female ejaculation and the G-spot reclaims a central, but up to now missing, piece of women’s sexual anatomy.
Female ejaculation is every woman’s birthright because all women are born with the anatomical ability to ejaculate.”
So what’s it all about? Well, believe it or not, women can ejaculate fluid through the urethra when they are aroused or during orgasm. This fluid is not urine, nor is it vaginal lubrication – its chemical composition is quite distinct from those two substances.
All women have the potential to do this, but they may never have experienced ejaculation because of issues of shame or fear – or because they are holding back on their ejaculation and have grown accustomed to clamping their muscles in such a way that the fluid cannot be expelled.
To understand how this happens, let’s look first at the structure of the female sex organs. Deborah Sundahl’s book describes this in great detail with clear illustrations, but the essence of what she say is that besides the parts of the clitoris which we know about (the glans, the hood, shaft and legs) there are other parts which lie underneath the labia, around the urethra, and between the anus and the vagina.
Much of this tissue is erectile tissue that swells on sexual arousal and becomes full of blood.
Some of it is directly analogous to the tissue in the male prostate gland: this female prostate tissue is elongated, and is embedded in the wall of the urethra. It has glands which create prostatic fluid, and ducts which convey the fluid into the urethra.
In fact, according to the research cited by Deborah Sundahl, it typically has about forty ducts and glands, which is three times the number in the male prostate.
With prolonged stimulation of the correct kind, this tissue will produce large quantities of female prostatic fluid which a woman can ejaculate – often very forcibly – through her urethra.
Ah, you may be saying, this is all very well, but where’s the proof? Well, thanks to those women who have pioneered research on female ejaculation, there’s no shortage of evidence. And chemical tests on the fluid show it has a very different composition to urine and vaginal fluid.
I don’t intend to go into all the tests and research here, because they are well documented in Deborah’s book, and the point of this page is not to prove to you the reality of female ejaculation, but to show you how you can do it for yourself.
So what of the G-spot? The G-spot is another part of the sexual, erectile tissue that lies around the vagina and urethra. When it is stimulated, the G-spot swells and engorges with blood, and the glands within it produce the female prostatic fluid.
Traditional descriptions talk of the G-spot as part of the vaginal wall. But in fact it is more accurately described as an organ one can feel through the vaginal wall.
And it’s not hard to feel it: although it is a different size in each woman, a finger gently inserted from one to one and a half inches into the vagina and then pressed upwards will quickly find the ridges and bumps of the G-spot.
Some of these ridges and bumps are small, some are large; some protrude more into the vagina than others – but every woman has a G-spot, and every woman, or her partner, can feel it when she inserts a finger like this.
The G-spot can be very sensitive to sexual stimulation, or it can be numbed – this is often the case when a woman has experienced sexual abuse. It is a nerve center and junction box of the nervous system, and so a great deal of sexual healing can take place when the G-spot is stimulated, along with the expression of emotions associated with the “body memories” stored there. More of which, later.
The G-spot has its own nerve supply; a different nerve supply from the clitoris. The clitoris is supplied mainly by the pudendal nerve, the G-spot by the pelvic nerve.
And the G-spot’s nerves are stimulated mainly through the wall of the vagina. Now – do you begin to see the truth of the old idea that there are two types of female orgasm – a clitoral orgasm, and a vaginal (or G-spot) orgasm?
It’s no surprise to learn that these two sources of a woman’s sexual pleasure will provide different sexual experiences and different types of orgasm. What may come a surprise, though, is that the G-spot is actually capable of providing more intense, longer, and more fulfilling orgasms than the clitoris.
And when an orgasm is the result of stimulation to both the clitoris and the G-spot (i.e. when both the pudendal nerve and the pelvic nerve contribute to the orgasm), it is a blended orgasm with characteristics of both clitoral and vaginal orgasm.
The next part of the story of female orgasm and ejaculation is the group of muscles around the area of the anus and vagina – the pubococcygeus muscles. These muscles increase the intensity of orgasm when they are strong and healthy. They also help to prevent stress incontinence. What’s more, when they are operating properly, they expel female prostatic fluid, which helps prevent stagnation and infection of the urinary tract.
The picture that begins to emerge is of a wonderful sexual machinery which can work beautifully and in harmony and help a woman get in touch with her health and femininity, but which may, when it doesn’t work in a smooth, coordinated way, lead to sexual problems, urinary problems, and give a woman a sense of being out of touch with her body. So there are plenty of reasons for learning how to enjoy G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation as part of your orgasmic potential!
And this orgasmic potential is much greater than most people realize – men and women alike. (There is another page in this website about multiple orgasm for men, who are even less accustomed to the idea of multiple orgasm than women.)
But both the male page on multiple orgasm and this page are not about just coming and coming and coming – they are about the more profound emotional fulfillment, the almost spiritual sense of well-being and ecstasy, that emerges from the more profound orgasms induced by the stimulation of tissues and sensory nerves other than those in the clitoris and penis.
This is not to downgrade clitoral orgasms in importance. It’s true that when the pudendal nerve is stimulated, via the clitoris, a woman’s pleasure can be intense. The clitoral orgasm is characterized by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the muscles around the genitals, and multiple orgasm and feelings of being insatiable occur most easily with this type of orgasm. But stimulating the G-spot, and hence stimulating the pelvic nerve, seems to be the gateway to higher levels of sexual energy and pleasure.
This is the vaginal or G-spot orgasm. This deeper orgasm tends to involve the expression of emotions, the expression of sounds, and the release of tension. But many orgasm are of course reached by stimulation of clitoris and G-spot. This “blended” orgasm is much deeper than a clitoral orgasm and can be profoundly rewarding and fulfilling for a woman.
But Deborah Sundahl talks in her book of a third type of orgasm: a uterine orgasm. This is one experienced rarely by most women, and consists of an orgasm which is reached through stimulation of the pelvic nerve only.
It is experienced as extremely intense and pleasurable, and occurs when the cervix is stimulated by being “jostled” during sex. As most women know, a penis hitting the cervix can be extremely painful, so a high level of arousal and stimulation is needed before there is any chance of a uterine orgasm.
Amrita – nectar of the Goddess
When a woman ejaculates, she may emit large quantities of secretions. Tantric temples in ancient India depicted the practices of sexual yoga and the positions that would allow sexual energy to build up to the point where a woman would emit Amrita – her sacred secretions.
But it’s not that hard: you don’t have to be a graduate of Tantra to achieve female ejaculation. You can enjoy the excitement of female ejaculation without the mysterious sexual practices that were once thought necessary to achieve the emission of Amrita.
But a woman’s partner might still enjoy the experience of bathing in the emissions, or drinking them from the lips of his Goddess’s Yoni (her vagina) at the culmination of intimacy, as the Tantric initiates of Ancient India used to do.
Deborah Sundahl emphasizes that a woman’s chances of learning to ejaculate are much higher if she has a positive attitude, and especially if she has little shame around her body or sexuality. She offers some ways to check whether a woman is ready to ejaculate or not. If you want to try this out, you can buy her book or visit her website. But don’t let your doubts stop you trying. At the very least you’ll have lots of fun finding out if you can female ejaculate!
One thing that will definitely help you learn to ejaculate is a strong set of PC muscles. There are many ways that you can learn to tone these up, ranging from tightening and relaxing them as you move around during the day to using some interesting mechanical aids.
One method is to squeeze against a long slim vibrator inserted into the vagina: squeeze for three seconds then relax for three seconds, being sure to only contract the PC muscles.
The goal is to work up to 100 contractions per session, three times a day, five days a week. The increased strength and fitness of the muscles that results will help you to both control ejaculation and enjoy a more powerful ejaculation. If you need more help, I recommend you buy Deborah’s book or look at the list of websites which might be helpful at the end of this page.
Ejaculation without orgasm – a starting point
For a woman learning to ejaculate, privacy is very important, as is persistence and patience. It may also help if you empty your bladder before you begin, so that later when you have the feelings that precede ejaculation, you do not mistake them for a need to pee.
Of great help in this whole process is a relaxed approach, a sense of being in touch with your own body, and an open mind. The exercises require at the very least that you are able to reach into your own vagina with enthusiasm and comfort. Lubing your finger well will help in this exploration.
Begin by exploring the outer reaches of your vagina. Use a mirror to examine yourself and see how your urethral opening responds to pressure on the vaginal opening – does it recede or stay near the entrance?
This is important, because if the urethral opening is pushed upwards when you are penetrated, you may not be able to ejaculate when there is something in your vagina. Push your finger higher up – about an inch or two inside – and feel the ridges of your G-spot.
Run your finger back and forth over them to get the feel of the ridges and bumps of your G-spot, and move it from side to side so as to establish where the edges of the G-spot lie. It occupies a much bigger area than most people think, and may go further back towards the cervix than you expect.
When you are confident that you have explored the area of your G-spot, experiment by squeezing your PC muscles and your buttock muscles. See how the pressure on the floor and roof of the vagina change as you squeeze different muscles.
Finally, spread your labia with two fingers and then push your PC muscles forward. The G-spot may move forward enough that its ridges are visible at the vaginal opening. As Deborah says, “Isn’t it beautiful?”
The next stage of your exploration is to massage your vulva, play with your clitoris, and stroke your urethral opening and vulva before moving a finger inside to pay with your G-spot. Press firmly on the G-spot, play with it, squeeze it, and roll it around. Each of these movements will produce a different sensation, some more erotic than others.
Stay relaxed and breath easily while you play with your G-spot, and feel the pleasure of your femininity and the wonder of your warm, juicy and receptive vagina.
With enough attention of this kind, your G-spot will swell and become full. You will feel physically aroused. This is the first step on the road to ejaculation: next, you need to build a full and engorged G-spot. Keep playing with it until you begin to feel the urge to orgasm.
At some point as you stimulate your G-spot, you may think the feeling in your urethra means you need to urinate. This is in fact the first stage of the ejaculation response, and it will pass. Indeed, it may be replaced by little shooting streaks of pleasure that travel down your legs – these will get stronger as you get nearer orgasm.
However, the best way to experience them is to relax and wait for them to arrive – don’t try to force them! And don’t worry if you don’t feel them – just keep on stimulating and relaxing your G-spot.
As you get more aroused, your G-spot will get bigger. At this stage you can practice pushing out the ejaculate: to quote Deborah Sundahl, “Stimulate your G-spot as you raise your buttocks off the floor and firmly push outward with your PC muscles as if forcing yourself to pee. After a minute or two, push, hold, relax and continue to stimulate. Remember to keep your finger in your vagina the entire time.
Repeat this stimulate-push-hold-relax-stimulate procedure a few times.” Continue to do this until you feel like you want to have an orgasm: then, if (a) your G-spot is swollen, and (b) when you push it feels like you want to pee, and (c) you are aroused and excited, you are ready to ejaculate. Take you finger out of your vagina and push your ejaculate out, as if forcing yourself to pee. You are aiming to push the fluid out, not hold it back.
Don’t be shy about this – and don’t worry about peeing. The feeling that you want to pee is common when you begin to learn to ejaculate. Another sensation that women often report is one of burning in their urethra. Again, these are all signals that you are entering the process of G-spot arousal, fluid production, and preparing to ejaculate.
Now, what I am saying here is only a brief summary of the whole method, so don’t be disheartened if you don’t achieve ejaculation. The best thing to do is to get one of the videos or books on the subject and take yourself through the whole procedure again in more detail.
By the way, you will be able to tell the difference between urine and ejaculate easily – one is colorless and has no smell, and the other, well, smells and looks like urine.
Ejaculation with orgasm – by yourself
You may find, as your body wakens up to the potential of new ways of reaching orgasm, that you become less satisfied with a clitoral orgasm, and your need to be stimulated on the G-spot and achieve a vaginal orgasm (or even a uterine orgasm) becomes greater.
Also, you may find that if you rely on the clitoris alone to move towards an orgasm, you can’t then switch into G-spot orgasm mode when you are ready to climax – so it’s important that your experience is holistic right from the start, and that you involve your clitoris and G-spot together.
If your G-spot hasn’t wakened up, you may need to spend a lot of time massaging and awakening it before you are ready to orgasm and ejaculate! A well-lubed sex toy, or a finger, are the ideal tools to extend your G-spot orgasm potential.
The method is simple: using your fingers, in luxurious movements of sensuous massage and strokes, stimulate your vulva, the whole of the tissue around your vaginal opening, as well as your clitoris and G-spot. It may take time to orgasm in this way or you may come quickly.
And sometimes, stimulating the G-spot will bring up intense emotional feelings, and you may need to deal with those. But eventually you will find you have a G-spot orgasm, and from there it is but a small step to ejaculation with an orgasm. here’s what you do: lie in the position in which you have learnt to ejaculate; push out just before you get to orgasm; expel whatever is in your vagina – dildo, vibrator, finger – as you push out so that the ejaculatory fluid can shoot (or dribble) out.
Timing the push correctly is essential, or it won’t be exactly an ejaculation.
An important point here is that these techniques can be used to get in touch with, and express, your deepest emotions. Be wild! Be passionate! Be unrestrained!
Ejaculation with a partner
The first thing that’s necessary is that your partner should learn about your G-spot, just as you have, so invite him into your vagina to explore. He will probably find it fascinating and exciting, and his excitement may turn you on even more. If you don’t know how to approach this, say something like, “I’ve been reading about the G-spot and I’d like to know if you can find mine.”
But don’t give yourselves performance anxiety! Take it easy and stay relaxed, take it one step at a time, and enjoy the sex for its own sake. When my partner and I started to explore my G-spot together, we used his fingers, and I was able to tell him how to adjust his touch as he massaged inside me to give me the greatest pleasure. I find a fantastic way of getting aroused is to have him kneel between my legs as I lie on the bed and lick my vulva and clit while he stimulates me inside on the G-spot with his finger.
I climax really easily this way, and have often squirted fluid out at the moment of orgasm. A lot of the success I’ve had with that has been because I’m relaxed and don’t care about appearances (e.g.. making a wet patch on the bed!)
It certainly excites him enormously when I do squirt, though it doesn’t happen every time. I think he’s eagerly anticipating the day he gets a jet of female ejaculate right in the face!
But what’s interesting about this is that after I have come, and we’ve cuddled, my vagina is still swollen – and it definitely wants his cock in there. He isn’t that large, but the shape of his penis stimulates the outer ridge of my G-spot perfectly, and I just go into total bliss when he thrusts – even very gentle, small thrusts over the edge of the G-spot will send me into shivers of ecstasy.
One of the best ways to stimulate the G-spot in this position is with a firm touch, though of course it is necessary to experiment to fid what suits you. But if you feel a sensation of burning or pain when he first massages or presses your G-spot, don’t be discouraged – this is very normal, and it will go away if you persist. A lot of women give up at this stage, I think, and miss the sumptuous pleasures that would come if they just went through these initial sensations.
I was fortunate, perhaps, because I didn’t get any of the deep “negative” emotions like rage coming out when my G-spot was first stimulated: what happened to me was that I laughed and laughed and laughed! But whatever emotions come up, they are just feelings, whatever form they take, and they pass.
However, it is important for your partner to know that something may come up, and if it does, it’s nothing to do with him. Just remind him that women are meant to be emotional creatures, and since romance and sex are so closely linked through the nerve centers in the G-spot, it’s natural for a woman to feel emotional when she begins to open up to the feelings “stored” in her G-spot.
I have no doubt that if your man is good at staying in control of his ejaculation and can thrust for a long time, provided that his penis is catching your G-spot in the right way, the best possible way of building up to an explosive orgasm is through vaginal intercourse.
There is an exchange of energy between his cock and your vagina which stimulates your G-spot arousal at a deep, deep level. You might even be able to feel this exchange of energy as though it were shivery darts and tingles of electricity (but a very pleasant kind of electricity) running all around your vagina and then up into your body, possibly even into your heart Chakra, which may open to your lover as the experience proceeds.
Another great way to achieve G-spot orgasm and ejaculation is through face to face intercourse, with you on a stool and him standing. You can stare deeply into each others’ eyes this way, you can give him feedback about what’s good for you, and he has the excitement of watching his penis going in and out of you – something which turns men on very much.
But whatever you do, your G-spot needs to be aroused before he enters you. As your arousal grows, so will his, and if he enters you too soon, he will probably just come too quickly before you have begun to have an orgasm – though of course he can always bring you to orgasm with his fingers and tongue.
What a man can do to help a woman achieve orgasm and even female ejaculation
Be supportive and show excitement (which will be easy – men love female ejaculation).
Don’t make it into a big thing and a performance issue. For example, if she is frightened of pissing on you, tell her she won’t piss on you, and even if she does, it doesn’t matter.
Help her to relax and accept the emission as a natural, exciting, healthy aspect of her sexuality.
Use small movements of your penis in and out of the entry to her vagina to stimulate her G-spot slowly and gently at first. Experiment with various thrusting techniques to see what works best for her.
Learn how to come many times yourself – male multiple orgasms help her achieve ejaculation. This is especially true if you do not ejaculate. Basically, though, it is a man’s ejaculation that drains him of energy: orgasms without ejaculation are energizing!
Ensure her G-spot is fully aroused before you stimulate it. Otherwise the experience may be uncomfortable for her.
Establish a heart connection with your lover. Women crave a heart connection during lovemaking. The G-spot is the route to a woman’s soul, so respect it. Take everything slowly and allow her to develop trust and love. Then her G-spot will open the door to her true passion.
Sexual healing and the G-spot
Negative messages of hurt, damage, abuse, violence – not just rape, but even insensitive hard thrusting during intercourse, before a woman is ready for it – and are stored in the body. It will not surprise you to learn that sexual violence or damage – even of a psychological kind – can be stored in the muscles of the genitals, and especially in the G-spot.
With the right approach, the psychological consequences of these events can be healed through the G-spot, and as they are, the physical problems (such as muscle tension, defensive postures, stiffness) associated with the psychological issues will resolve as well.
Sexual healing, therefore, is an important part of a woman’s sexual awakening, and while I can hardly do it justice on this web page, it might be helpful to make a few points.
A healing G-spot massage uses a finger to apply pressure to the G-spot so that stored blocks to erotic pleasure can be identified and removed. This will allow a woman’s sexual energy to flow more freely.
A woman who is receiving this healing experience aims to allow her emotions and energy to flow without censorship or inhibition. There may be pain; there may be rage; but these are only feelings, and they will pass.
The person giving the massage – let us suppose this is a man – needs to be focused on his partner as she receives the massage, and able to listen and concentrate on her so that she feels supported. In addition, he should remind her to breathe, and should look into her eyes, so that she is grounded and in contact with the present while her historical, stored emotions emerge and flow.
And she should communicate clearly what is going on, open herself to receive pleasure and be aware that this is her time, hopefully unbroken and devoted to her for as long as she needs it.
Sexual energy will flow during a G-spot massage, and it will follow the intention of the massager. So the massager can direct it with his hands up and around the body of his partner with whole body caresses, by stroking her breasts, stomach, genitals, face and head – all this will spread the energy around.
To begin, once the woman is aroused enough, the massager will gently insert a finger into her vagina and begin to explore the surface of her G-spot with his touch. Such penetration of the woman’s body can be extremely exciting and arousing for the man.
The receiver needs to stay in the present by maintaining eye contact with the massager, but at the same time needs to recognize what is going on in her G-spot and her mind and body. She can communicate this to the massager, who will gracefully accept what she says – and nothing more.
It’s important that there’s no interpretation or attempt at problem solving – the healing is in the release of emotions, not in dealing with them! In other words, her partner should just be there for her.
The massager can start with circular movements on the surface of her G-spot; some areas will feel more sensitive and pleasurable than others. Different emotions may come as he touches different places on the G-spot.
When she experiences an emotion, the massager should keep pressing on the spot that produced the emotion, gently massaging it with his fingertip. This will facilitate the process of emoting.
But if the receiver feels nothing, in other words, if her G-spot is numbed, then he should press firmly with his finger all over her G-spot. Some places may feel painful, but continuing firm pressure on these spots may help to shift this and break through to another level of feeling. But of course the pressure should not be so firm that it is itself painful!
The ideal outcome of this process is that the woman experiences the emotions as they arise, feels them, and then lets them pass. This is where the healing lies – no matter how intense the emotions may be.
The massager needs to be sensitive to all of this, and should wait for the emotions to pass before he continues to another area on her G-spot. Of course this does not all have to be done in one session.
By the way, it is not necessary or desirable to re-experience a past traumatic event – indeed, this can be retraumatizing. The aim of the process is to allow powerful emotional blocks to dissipate without having to relive anything. This can be facilitated by keeping eye contact, voicing feelings, making sounds (whatever they may be), breathing regularly and relaxing.
Another kind of response to emotions that come up is to stop the massager, or to withdraw and become lethargic. Both these responses suggest that more work needs to be done – perhaps at a later time when the woman feels more ready for it.
For the man who is skilled in ejaculation control, intercourse may be an appropriate way of massaging the G-spot with his penis. He may gently move his penis across her G-spot’s surface and pause when she emotes, waiting for her reactions to diminish before he continues thrusting or moving inside her (my partner’s circular movements have proved great for me). Needless to say, this approach to sexual healing requires a high level of trust and intimacy.
If you want to try this for yourself, I suggest you read the account of a sexual healing session in Deborah Sundahl’s book Female Ejaculation and The G-spot.
You want to make her scream and scratch and proclaim you the greatest lover in the history of man? You’ve got to realize that it’s not about positions, it’s about perceptions. Synonyms for perception are: Insight, Awareness, Discernment, Observation, and Sensitivity.
You must have insight into the nature of female orgasm and understand that it’s a complex combination of physical and emotional factors that must be addressed using physical and emotional techniques. You must be aware of the differences between clitoral and G-Spot orgasms, and know how and when to produce each different variety.
You must discern between women that really turn you on and women that you just want to have sex with because it’s easy or they’re available. The greatest heights of sexual climax are only available to people with a genuinely intense level of DESIRE for each other; when the chemistry crackles with electric sparks. You must observe which of your techniques and touches are working, and which are ineffective or counterproductive.
Not EVERY technique is going to resonate with every woman, and a great lover will monitor a woman’s reactions in order to focus on what fuels her fire. Sensitivity is a key that opens several doors on the corridor to female ecstasy. You must be sensitive about the time and place not every moment or location is appropriate for unbridled passion.
Also be sensitive to her subtle reactions, clues that will lead you to her hot spots and cold zones. And lastly, be sensitive to the signals that a woman gives off which indicate whether she is capable of letting go with you and willing to let it flow.
Sensuous massage for a woman
Intercourse is only one way of making love. Another very special way a man can bring his partner to the peak of sexual desire and give her the pleasure of very intense orgasms is by arousing her with sensuous massage and vaginal stimulation with his fingers.
This enables him to find and massage her G-spot, a technique which produces the most intense orgasms a woman can experience. When all of these exciting and stimulating techniques are combined with massage of her vulva lips and clitoris, she will come more intensely than by clitoral stimulation alone. The exciting thing for the man – apart from the pleasure he gets from seeing his partner so satisfied – is that such intense female arousal will turn him on with an almost primal intensity.
These techniques of sensuous arousal and vaginal massage are some of the most incredibly arousing things a man can do for a woman, perhaps coming second only to cunnilingus.