The Nature of Love and Sex

Sex and Love

If you have difficulty reaching orgasm during intercourse, or you find yourself thrusting away until both you and your partner are sore and frustrated, you may well have delayed ejaculation. This is also known as retarded ejaculation, or male orgasmic disorder, and it affects a very high number of men…. about one in twelve at any one time.

You can find an effective, easy and quick treatment for delayed ejaculation on the internet – for example, for men who do not wish to see a doctor, this powerful delayed ejaculation treatment can effectively end the problem with self-help treatments.

For women, there is advice on how to relax your sexual responses, become more familiar with your body and its sexual responses, and learn how to relax into orgasm and reach orgasm during sex.

Want To Last Longer During Sex?

Would you like to choose when to ejaculate during sex? Want to develop complete ejaculatory control? Like to take your lover (and yourself) to the highest levels of sexual pleasure? Look here.

The nature of love

Accepting, respecting, admiring, adoring: these are some of the important aspects of loving. “Home,” said one man who was interviewed in a study of successful marriages, “means you can expose your weaknesses without shame, can brag a little without fear of misunderstanding, and can make mistakes without being ridiculed.”

 In other words, in his home and in his marital relationship he had the satisfaction of being accepted for what he was.

Accepting a person for what he or she is means having no reservations. It certainly does not mean being blind to shortcomings but on the contrary means being aware of them and accepting them too within the relationship.

And this includes not overlooking things which you really wish were different about your partner – including losing weight and dieting if they are obese or fat.

It is in the love relationship that people remove their “character armor,” but do not do so unless they are sure that without it they are unreservedly accepted by their partner.

To want to fashion the other person into a particular mold is not love but possessiveness. Love is fully accepting one’s partner without reservation despite the fact that they are not the same as one’s ideal.

When couples make love for the first time they often expose their nakedness to each other with some trepidation, both afraid that they will fall short of the other’s ideal of physical beauty.

Yet to accept the naked body, with all its imperfections, is truly to love.

People who are casual about sex do not, of course, appreciate or experience the significance of nakedness, for they do not sense the identity of the body and its vulnerability, and they are inclined to be, as Rollo May has written, “more wary of psychological and spiritual nakedness than they are of the physical nakedness in sexual intimacy.”

Extended Orgasm Pleasure

There are many simple methods by which you can enhance the duration of your orgasms and the amount of pleasure you feel. Indeed, orgasms lasting over an hour may be achieved.

And though you may think this is unlikely, think of this: the average orgasm – even for women (whose orgasmic capacity is greater than men’s) – consists of a mere ten or so muscular contractions lasting a few seconds. But the process of learning how to enhance orgasms is fairly simple…. and you can read more about them on this website.

Desire, Excitement, and Arousal

Two people making love – or, if you prefer, having sex – might enjoy an experience something like this: first of all they felt chemistry between them, an electric spark of attraction.

Then they kissed, and arousal grew, her panties becoming damp, and his erection mounting. Kissing gave way to feeling each other up, fondling, caressing, and his erection became harder and she lubricated more.

Continued stimulation led to sucking, more kissing, mutual pleasuring and eventually lovemaking.

At first sight, this looks like a simple process, beginning with desire and ending in a mutual orgasm, but the fact is that in both men and women, sexual arousal is composed of three distinct phases: desire, excitement, and orgasm.

We shall examine each of these more closely on this site where the nature of love is explained in detail.

How To Enjoy Better Sex – Part 2

How To Enjoy Better Sex

Many people think that there is only one “normal” or “natural” position for intercourse, the “man on top” sex position. And if the physical structures of the partners’ bodies or their genitals place them at a disadvantage in this position and prevent the fullest pleasure in sex activity, they may never even find out that they could do much better in other sexual positions.

In reality, any and every type of foreplay or sexual position is permissible and acceptable, regardless of foreplay and position. Of course, sexual expertise and delight are not a guarantee of a happy relationship because a premature ending to lovemaking caused by man’s inability to control his arousal is devastating to a woman. No surprise that one of the most popular searches on the web is for tips to control premature ejaculation.

A quick climax to physical intimacy (in other words, premature ejaculation!) can deprive the woman of the fulfilment which is her reward from loving her partner. She will perhaps feel that her partner either does not take her needs into account or that he is selfish. And a man who reaches climax with no control often feels like he is a failure in bed.

None of this is helpful for the relationship, especially if the matter is not honestly discussed. However, the fear and shame associated with sexual problems is massively stressful, and the two partners often carry on even though this important dysfunction continues to erode trust and respect. If you recognize this, you must indeed change things!

First of all, you must speak about it openly: this means you tell your partner what you are feeling. Unfortunately, the fact is our research shows as few as ten percent of couples talk to each other about intimate problems. So, to help you discuss your thoughts, feelings and emotions around sex, we have some tips to help you:

1) Reveal your emotions – don’t use the tactic of avoiding responsibility by blaming your spouse. Having the ability to listen without judging means you’ll experience much less resistance – and your partner is probably going to be very much more willing and able to listen to what you want to say without judging you.

2) Don’t project your feelings – having the courage to accept that you are “in this together” is essential to eliminating mutual distrust. Only when you are able to accept that your lover’s actions and feelings are an honest reaction to the issues you face, and that they are entitled to think, feel and act as they do, will you begin to respect each other as you really are.

3) Don’t wallow in self-criticism. Doing something is more constructive. This may require getting the support of a therapist. Or it may mean something as simple as reserving a time every week to speak to your partner about your worries.

4) If you have trouble opening up about difficulties with your love life consider the things you want to “bring to the table” beforehand. Preparing like this is essential in achieving the respect of your partner. It’s also helpful to know your limits in any talk about sex. That way you are be much more likely to avoid concessions you regret.

5) Be clear about why you are raising the issue. It’s often challenging to have full awareness of what’s behind our emotions, and it’s likely you might only fully realize the real issue as you talk about the issue. And, if you are clear what you would like to change, you are more likely to get it. The more genuinely you show yourself, the more honestly you talk about what’s going on for you, the closer you will feel as a couple.

Secondly, work as a couple on a proven self-help solution for treating male sexual problems. You can discover much more about how to do this by reading a good book which will allow you to see how all of these problems come form our early experiences in childhood and young adulthood. Here is the one I recommend: King Warrior Magician Lover It is available in the UK (previous link) and the US (this link).

Techniques To Help You Have Better Sex

When you have a clear intention to control premature ejaculation, and when you have a clear set of techniques which will allow you to achieve this goal – those techniques will include dedicated focus, visualization, and perhaps sensate focus – then you are very likely to be able to achieve this goal.

Now, think of the reward that you get from sex. And now imagine how much greater that reward could possibly be if you were not only able to control your ejaculation, but you were also able to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse, or indeed if you were able to experience the thrill and excitement of G spot orgasm and female ejaculation.

What I’m doing is just bringing to your attention the fact that there are techniques that you can use to improve the quality of your sex life enormously. Whether you wish to control delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction, there are ways and means of helping yourself to overcome emotional and practical problems during sex.

Yet at the end of the day, improving your sex life in this way such a personal decision that almost nobody can encourage you to do it apart from you yourself. It’s a notable fact that most men with premature ejaculation don’t respond to pleas from their partner to delay their ejaculation – so they’re not likely to do it without the internal motivation necessary to seek and achieve a better life.

Whether that better life is achieved by improving one’s relationship with oneself or one’s relationship with the world or one’s relationship with one’s partner, the truth of the matter is that gaining a fantastic sex life is always a matter of intention.

How To Pleasure A Woman

Video – how to please your girl in bed

It’s not always easy, knowing how to please a woman in bed. You need some help, some advice, some knowledge of what women really want.

First of all, you need to have time and patience. Oh yes, and some skill, of course. But really, time and patience go a long way. You see, we know it takes ten to twenty times longer to turn a woman on than it takes to turn a man on.

And by “turn on”, we mean get her (or you) ready for sex. That would mean lubricated and wanting to be penetrated in the case of a woman, and erect and ready for penetration in the case of a man.

So – if you have time on your hands, so much the better. Twenty minutes of time before you even look for penetration. And in that time, you are going to stroke, kiss, tease, kiss, stroke, tease… and use your fingers, tongue and lips, as well as the whole of your skin, to give your partner an orgasm. Yes, give her an orgasm. That’s because sex doesn’t finish when a woman comes.

(Think how often sex finishes when a man ejaculates. Usually, yes?)

So you are going to do things differently – you are going to take account of her needs. But why, you may be asking, does she need an orgasm before penetration?

Well, because (as you may have noticed) a woman will rarely come from intercourse alone.

And even if you provide additional clitoral stimulation, by using a vibrator, or your fingers, as you make love to her, you may well reach orgasm before she does. And then, where does that leave her?

Answer – unsatisfied. Aroused, but hanging on for an orgasm.

Sure, you might say, she can take care of herself. Well, yes. She can. But is that really what you want to have happen here?

She’s looking to you for sexual pleasure, and you, my dear man, are most likely wanting to give it to her. After all, most men are highly motivated to give sexual pleasure to their partners.

The first and perhaps the best way of doing this is to use oral pleasure – and I don’t mean by that simply cunnilingus.

What I mean is using your lips and tongue to kiss every part of your woman’s body, sensitively and delicately, particularly around the breasts and vulva. Such intimate contact will excite her – without a doubt.

But when you move from the intimate contact of lips on skin to lips on genitals or breasts or nipples, she’s going to feel arousal increasing and her desire to sexual contact will mount quite rapidly.

It’s a cunning technique which allows you to arouse a woman AND at the same time stay aroused yourself.

(But at this point I need to mention the fact that erections come and go during lovemaking. If you lose your erection during lovemaking, it really doesn’t matter. It’ll come back again quickly and easily, as soon as you’re in a position to penetrate your partner.)

The key to teasing your partner is to give her a level of stimulation which arouses her so much that she is ready for penetration.

You can tell this quite easily by sipping a finger into her vagina just as she starts to get really aroused.

One method which you can use to good effect here is to offer her oral pleasuring on her clitoris whilst you finger the inside of her vagina. This is a great way for you to give her the greatest pleasure as you make love.

Go for the upper wall as she lies on her back – that’s the G spot. Certainly of all the techniques recommended by sex experts on the Internet, and indeed by women themselves in forums where they discuss what they want, this seems to be the featured and favorite technique that brings a woman off time and time again.

It’s the intensity of arousal at the point where she finally comes which makes her orgasm extremely satisfying and pleasurable for her.

And what makes her arousal so high? It’s teasing and skilful manipulation of her feelings which you, as a man, can provide for her. Does it take a lot of imagination to make foreplay last for 20 minutes?

Well, up to a point it does, but you can do it! Don’t forget that the reward for you is a woman who reaches orgasm when she is highly aroused.

This in itself is hugely exciting for most men – after all, you’ve brought her off!

What makes it even better is that once she’s achieved orgasm, she won’t lose interest in sex in the way that you probably do.

Indeed, she’d probably be more desirous of penetration, for you to enter her, when she’s come. That way she will enjoy lovemaking to the full.

In fact she is quite likely to be desperate for penetration, and consumed with desire to feel the fullness of you inside her. (With a force equal to your desire to be in her. Felt that, have you? Then you know what she wants, too.)

After she’s come, the soft warm wetness of her vagina will be deeply rewarding and intensely pleasurable to you. And, provided you’re able to last long enough, you may or may not be able to bring her to orgasm again.

Sure, this is not guaranteed, but it really doesn’t matter even if you don’t take her to a second orgasm during lovemaking. Think of it as a bonus.

However, what you must do, is to look her in the eyes as you make love. Allow her body to follow your movements. (Coital alignment is good for this.) And, above all, if you’re able to, say her name at the moment of orgasm! 

(Better – shout “I love you, my darling [insert name]” as you come. It will have extraordinary effect on her…..)

By doing these things you demonstrate yourself to be a man who is quite exceptional in his lovemaking skills and abilities.

You demonstrate sensitivity to her needs which most men won’t even think of showing.

As you can well imagine, this is going to establish a much stronger relationship and a more powerful bond between you.

But it also makes her happy both inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.

Truly, you can improve the quality of your relationship immensely by offering her the sexual pleasure and satisfaction she craves.

And all it takes are the simple techniques for pleasuring which I’ve described above.

Video – How To Please A Woman In Bed

How To Enjoy Better Sex

Sex and Love: How to improve your sex life

1 Be adventurous

Don’t be a log in bed – stiff and wooden – and don’t stick to the same old routine. Sexual adventure can include all kinds of things: talking dirty; taking the initiative by rolling on top of him and getting into the woman on top position then riding his penis fast and hard till he comes; dressing up; having spontaneous sex anywhere that takes your fancy; and so on, and on, and on…..there are, by the way, many more tips for better sex here and a description of how women can enjoy fully orgasmic sex here.

2 Go on a romantic break and Have sex morning, noon and night

Men are ready for sex pretty much any time of the day from the morning’s wake-up call with an erect penis to the before-sleep nighttime sex session, while women often have one preferred time of day. So if you’re a morning person, why not try sex at night? If you like sex in the afternoon, try it in the morning. It’s all about variety!

4 Dress up for him

Most men are very visual. Whatever you think of your body, he’ll like to see it dressed up in sexy lingerie, and he’ll get aroused faster and harder if you tease him a bit. Act like a seductress for a change, then suck his penis, fuck him and leave him breathless!

7 Be assertive from time to time

While most men like to lead during sex, from time to time they would really appreciate their partners taking the lead.

So seduce him when he arrives home, lead him to the bedroom, strip him, make him lie there while you suck his penis, then masturbate in front of him before mounting him and riding him to orgasm. He might be surprised, but he won’t object!

9 Let him masturbate between your breasts

Whatever you think of men’s sex drive (hopefully you appreciate it!), it isn’t going away. And when you’re horny, don’t you get pleasure from rampant raw acts of lustful pleasure? Sure, of course you do. So now think of your male partner, and you begin to see things from a male perspective.

10 Give him a quickie each week

At least one bout of uncomplicated sex keeps a man happy to romance and give you foreplay the rest of the time. You know what? Men really do like raw sex without all the lovey-dovey add-ons – if not all the time, certainly a fair amount of the time. So get your lube out, look at him seductively till he gets the message, then let him put his penis in you and thrust until he comes.

It’s not insulting to you as a woman (in fact it actually honors his sexuality), and while it may not be romantic, it will certainly give him great pleasure. 

11 Don’t ever use sex as a weapon

A very bad mistake. Decent men don’t do this, and women only do it because they believe they lack power elsewhere in the relationship.

That’s probably not true, and even if it has some truth in it, using sex to retaliate is the wrong answer. Few things are more alienating to a man than manipulative feminine strategies. And this is the worst of them.

12 Men like to be respected and appreciated

And women like to be cherished. You stand a great deal more chance of getting that from him if you tell him what a good lover he is and behave as though you respect him.

Even if he needs to improve his sexual skills, there are ways of telling him that will make him want to do it better, and ways of telling him that will make him think you are criticizing him.

13 Be assertive

Ask for what you want during sex in a straightforward way and he’ll respond much better than if you pout or whine. Take it from me, most men would much rather their partner had a lot more male-type energy alongside her female energy.

Among other things, this means asking for things straightforwardly, not playing games, and being assertive and energetic during sex.

Teach him how you like him to pleasure you during sex – and assertiveness also includes being confident enough to show him what you like and don’t like. After all, if you’re going to play with his penis the way he likes, hadn’t you better show him what to do with your clitoris?

14 Deal with sexual dysfunction

Sexual problems are many and varied: for men, they consist mostly of erectile dysfunction and ejaculatory disorders, including delayed ejaculation and premature ejaculation.

15 Women come first

If he comes quickly, and he can’t improve his performance, then adapt. Get him to go down on you until you come, then make love. He (and his penis) will appreciate your swollen, wet and warm vagina, and you’ll enjoy the post-orgasmic stimulation of your G spot while you feel emotionally connected.

Heck, you might even come again. this is a surefire route to mutual pleasure in bed – and it’s a way most men can understand and appreciate if they’re looking for a way to please a woman during sex.

16 Act out your sexual fantasies

Remember that acting out your fantasy doesn’t mean it’s ever going to become a reality. Keep it in the bedroom and respect what he tells you – then tell him your own fantasies and act them out as well.

17 Don’t ever fake orgasm

Having his penis in your vagina is probably not the best way to achieve orgasm for you (if you’re one of the 75% of women who don’t come during intercourse).

So don’t pretend that it is. Get an orgasm before he penetrates you, and enjoy the friction and fullness when he thrusts. If you come, it’s a bonus.

18 Enjoy oral pleasure

You have no idea how important this is to your man. First, it feels unbelievably good; second, it means you accept him and the very sense of his maleness without reservation.

19 Try many new positions and keep novelty alive

Honestly, trying new positions is what makes a relationship stay passionate – you need a constant stream of sexual novelty to fend of boredom – possibly this is more true for men than women, but it’s still incredibly important to both sexes.

The best way to do this is to use a reference manual like the ancient Kama Sutra or a site like this: sexual positions for you!

20 Keep your Kegels going so your vagina is tight

Men have a visceral response to the sight, smell, taste and feel of the vagina. They want to explore it with fingers, eyes and tongue, but more than anything they want to penetrate it with their penis and thrust deep into you – making you feel good too.

That’s how a satisfying, mutually pleasurable sexual relationship should be, uninhibited and lusty!

For him, a lot of the pleasure is in the friction, so if you think you have a loose vagina, tighten it up with Kegels or keep your legs closed during sex so you grip his penis. That way sex will feel much better for him.

20 If you need some ways to treat erectile dysfunction look here. When your erection needs a boost, you can get all the information you need, with hundreds of tips for better sex, including complete information on the causes and treatment for erection problems.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erection problems.

And so the demand for effective treatment for erectile dysfunction is going to increase in years to come. One of the major ways to treat ED is  pharmacological agents, i.e., prescription drugs like Viagra and Cialis.

The frequency of erection problems is high: even among normal men it is estimated that about 1 man in 12 has an erection problem. Among diabetic men, the frequency is much higher – up to 50 % of men with diabetes have some kind of erection problem.

What is erectile dysfunction (ED)? How is it treated with drugs?

Erectile dysfunction is defined very simply: a man can’t get an erection hard enough to sustain sexual intercourse. There are other related conditions, such as diminished libido (low sex drive or lack of desire), low testosterone. Also, delayed ejaculation, or DE – see a good book on this here – or premature ejaculation may be associated with erection problems. (Read more about delayed ejaculation here.)

ED or erectile dysfunction increases in frequency in the older age groups. This can be caused by circulation problems, nerve problems, hormonal problems, psychological issues, or prescription drugs.  But most often it is down to a combination of one or more of these factors. (Which are also called, in the order referred to above, vasculogenic, neurogenic, endocrine, psychogenic, and prescription drug induced.)

There’s no hard and fast classification of what constitutes and erection problem, or a definition of erectile dysfunction. The condition itself ranges from an erection that is not firm enough for intercourse to an erection which allows penetration but then fades away. Alternatively and erection may not last long enough for intercourse to be completed.

(By the way, surgery is not such a good option; the implantation of a prosthetic inflatable device is major surgery, with attendant risks, and has a high failure rate.)

By contrast, one of the main avenues of treatment over the past ten years has been by drugs such as Viagra. The rapid response and effective action of these drugs is important. They represent an instant treatment for a man who is unable to have sex, and thereby provide a rapid boost to self-esteem and sexual self-confidence. This will reduce the feelings of anger, depression and low self-esteem so common among men with ED.

How does drug treatment for Erectile Dysfunction (ED) work?

The erectile chambers of the penis consist of two longitudinal structures (each called a corpus cavernosum) which run along the length of the penis from its base to the coronal ridge. These corpora cavernosa are made up of spongy tissues surrounded by smooth muscle.

Normally, a degree of muscle tone keeps the muscles fibres slightly tense, thereby preventing blood flowing into the expandable tissues. When the muscles relax, blood may enter, and the tissues swell, which has the effect of squeezing the veins leading blood away from the penis.

(The veins are squeezed between the rather inelastic tunica albuginea which surrounds the whole of the erectile tissue and the corpora cavernosa.) With blood unable to drain away, the penis becomes erect. This process is far from simple, and involves many chemicals, nerve impulses and interacting somatic and chemical factors. Disruption to any part of the process may cause a man to develop erectile dysfunction.

Causes of erectile dysfunction


The most common factor is vascular: a problem with either the veins or the arteries of the penis. Clearly either impaired arterial function (arterial insufficiency) or a leaking vein (veno-occlusive erectile failure) may contribute to erection problems. Such problems originate in conditions such as hypertension, hyperlipidemia, diabetes and smoking.


But neurological problems are also a common cause of impotence. Nerve impulses resulting from sexual stimulation cause the release of nitric oxide and prostaglandins in the base of the penis. These substances then cause the smooth muscles of the penis to relax and allow blood to flow in, thereby causing an erection to develop. Injury to any part of the nerve network that promotes these chemical actions can render a man impotent. Such damage can result from groin injury, prostate surgery, MS, and neuropathy associated with diabetes.


Testosterone declines with age – as most men over 50 years of age will know – and this reduction in blood testosterone may result in fewer night-time erections and a lower level of libido. There are also a number of medications which may produce high prolactin levels, which antagonizes the action of testosterone. See below for more on this.


These include SSRIs (prescribed for mood disorders) and ranitidine (prescribed for stomach acid problems). In addition, some antihistamines, antidepressants, antihypertensives, sedatives and anxiolytics (anti-anxiety drugs) have been all been blamed for causing erection problems.

Stress, anxiety and other psychological factors 

Stress and anxiety can produce erectile dysfunction by raising blood catecholamine levels – these stress hormones oppose smooth muscle relaxation.

Purely psychological factors may include fear of sex, fear of women, fear of pregnancy, fear of failure and so forth. The inability to get erect causes much anxiety, which in itself is likely to cause erectile failure at the next sexual situation, thereby perpetuating and compounding the erectile dysfunction.

Treatment Options for Erectile Dysfunction 

Treatment may involve both the man and his partner: ED is generally not a problem that occurs in isolation.

You can enjoy a better erection by engaging with your partner in a series of exercises which resemble those prescribed by the professional sex therapists. These are described in this book on erectile dysfunction, which you can get from and

Penile prostheses and erectile dysfunction

These are inflatable or semi-rigid devices which are implanted into a man’s penis in place of his own erectile tissue. There has historically been a fairly high failure and infection rate. A more modern form of surgery for impotence is surgery to improve the flow of blood to the penis. This can be successful when the surgeon is experienced and the patient is properly selected.

A penile support sleeve to improve erectile firmness

A support sleeve may allow penetration of a soft penis into the vagina but who knows how much pleasure it gives either partner? Read more here.

Pharmacologic agents and the treatment of ED

Vasoactive agents like Viagra and Cialis will relax the blood vessels of the penis and permit the accumulation of more blood in the corpora cavernosa.

Other drugs used from time to time to treat ED have included Yohimbine, which is an alpha-2-adrenergic blocking agent. The effectiveness of Yohimbine as a treatment for erectile dysfunction has not been proven, and as it tends to promote anxiety and high pulse rates in susceptible men. It is really a treatment of limited benefit, especially now that Viagra has been proven safe and successful.

Psychological or physical erectile dysfunction?

Psychological issues are probably involved in all cases of erectile dysfunction: if not before it develops, certainly after it has done so! But for erectile problems that have a purely psychological origin (e.g. anxiety, nervousness, anger), the onset of erectile dysfunction is sudden and unexpected. In the case of physical erectile dysfunction, in other words that caused by an underlying physiological problem, the onset may be more gradual.