Patterns Of Delayed Ejaculation

Characteristics Of Men Who Have Delayed Ejaculation

In some way they don’t have a close connection with their own sexuality, or perhaps even with male sexuality in general. This is a bit like being cut off from oneself – it’s almost like a denial of part of you. And many of us know, it’s easier to deny a part of us than to face the pain it holds if it’s been wounded in childhood. In fact that’s a standard defense mechanism.

Because of the disconnection between what’s happening in the world and one’s awareness about oneself, it’s entirely possible that many men with delayed ejaculation may be completely unaware of what’s causing their ejaculatory dysfunction. And then it’s natural enough for a man to blame it on something physical like an insensitive penis. As you can probably see, changing a man’s perceptions when this threatens his very identity, or threatens his innate sense of security, is going to be challenging – to say the least!

And if a man can’t even sense the connection between events “way back when” and his current sexual problems in adulthood, the situation becomes even more complicated. One of things that can make delayed ejaculation even more difficult to deal with is the fact that our society has lost the normal rites of passage between boyhood and manhood.

Initiation rituals into manhood, and rites passage from one lifestage to another were commonplace in our history, but they hardly exist at all in our modern society. This can’t be helping the development of confident male sexuality. And the consequences of this are subtle and wide ranging. For example, being cut off from sexuality in this way may actually prevent a man from expressing his maleness – even from responding to sexual stimulation.

This kind of deprivation – for want of a better word – makes a man unable to express feelings and emotions around sexuality, to ask what for he wants sexually, and perhaps even to be unaware of what he needs or wants sexually. In the face of this difficulty you can see how a man could easily retreat into a place of wanting to satisfy his partner sexually, and indeed basing his sexual self-esteem on being able to do so. Hence, perhaps, the attention a man with delayed ejaculation may offer to his partner at the expense of his own (and felt and unwanted) sexual needs.

And there’s a level of inhibition which can go even deeper than this – I mentioned how men with difficulty in this area might be avoiding a loss of control at the moment of orgasm and ejaculation. (By not ejaculating, I mean.)

But there are many other possible explanations for difficulty or delay in ejaculating – shame or guilt about sex; fear of women; anger against women, which is not felt consciously but may be held in the unconscious; the memory of previous traumatic experiences; and many more besides. Such issues can be explored with the help of shadow work – a means of reaching into the unconscious and exploring historical patterns of behaviour. There are other practitioners who work with men in the same field of shadow work too if you prefer to explore these issues in single gender groups.

Advice For Men

It’s a common misconception, particularly on the Internet, that delayed ejaculation is a difficult problem to overcome. But if you really want to enjoy better sex, and you’re willing to try some simple treatment strategies, you’ll find it easier than you ever imagined to overcome this challenge.

Mostly men avoid treatment for delayed ejaculation because they feel too embarrassed, perplexed, perhaps even ashamed, about it. And that’s not too surprising. If you feel very different from other men – which is how a lot of men with delayed ejaculation do feel – you probably want to keep this “little secret” to yourself. Regrettably, however, a lot of men with this problem don’t talk about it even to their partners. And that’s where the trouble starts.  You see, although delayed ejaculation is often described as hard to overcome, this is not true. It only seems that way because delayed ejaculation is caused by several factors combining together.

The first cause of difficulty ejaculating is your relationship.

Just how do you feel about your relationship with your partner? And how do you feel about the way you and your partner make love? And how is your relationship to your own sexuality? 

These are just some of the many questions that help you understand the origin of ejaculation problems – if you want to go down that road.

Overcoming delayed ejaculation is possible without delving deeply into the psychology which lies behind it. If, for example, one of the issues which lies behind your delayed or retarded ejaculation is lack of intimacy between you and your partner, which in turn is leading to poor communication, you can establish greater intimacy by using some simple and practical techniques. This approach avoids the need to delve into the unconscious issues which might have caused your lack of intimacy in the first place.

In other words, this approach is about learning a new behavior which replaces the old one. So, as far as intimacy is concerned, there are some very good techniques you can use to develop a close relationship. Because once you feel physically close, it’s possible to be truly intimate.

How To Overcome Delays In Ejaculation!

So if you’re wondering how you’re going to be able to solve ejaculation problems, the good news is that this isn’t difficult.  Using a treatment program (click here to find out all about it), at home in privacy, you’ll soon be able to enjoy sexual intimacy to the full. To start with, you’re going to train your body to respond more rapidly to sexual stimulation, so that you can reach orgasm more easily. That’s a matter of engaging in some delightful sensory exploration exercises with your partner, all of which are designed to increase your sensitivity to physical stimulation. And that’s important because, at the root of it, all sexual arousal is down to physical stimulation.

Emotional and mental stimulation is an important part of sexual activity, and it can certainly help you become more sexually aroused. However, the real key to sexual arousal is always physical stimulation. You see, sexual arousal is rooted in the body. To put it another way, the arousal which generates an erection, and so gives you the means to have intercourse, is rooted in the body. So part of the exercises you can use at home help you find trigger points on your body which provide you with  greater arousal than you normally experience. Everyone has “erogenous zones” on the body, but very few people take the time and trouble to explore them in detail.

And that’s a shame, because they really can produce a great deal of physical arousal. For a man with delayed ejaculation, they can really help in the process of overcoming delays and reaching orgasm. And if you feel anxious about having sex, this anxiety can interfere with your sexual responses, meaning that you might find ejaculation difficult. By dealing with this anxiety and discovering way to really enjoy sex, it’s easy to significantly reduce the level of stimulation which you need to reach orgasm. 


This isn’t watching erotic or pornographic images of other people having sex! According to sex researchers Masters and Johnson, spectatoring is “watching yourself have sex, accompanied by an anxious, internal, self-conscious dialogue.”

The internal chatter can include worries about one’s body (“I wonder what she thinks about my body”) or about one’s sexual performance (“She must be bored, I’m taking too long to come.” “Does she like the way I’m touching her?”) When spectatoring, a person is intently monitoring both their partner and themselves.

Not surprisingly, research shows that this is less satisfying than sex when you are “fully present”. Men and women alike who engage in spectatoring or internal dialogue during sex have fewer real orgasms and more fake orgasms than those who have less internal chatter.

This isn’t surprising, given that it’s hard to be orgasmic while worrying about what your partner thinks about you and your body. Thinking you “should” have an orgasm can lead you to pretend to have an orgasm. Yes – men (especially those with delayed ejaculation) fake orgasm too, as you may know.