Sex and Love
Making love and having sex
Why do men use the term "having sex" while women often say "making love"? Does this just mean that men and women attach different importance to intercourse?
And even if some women like sex for its own sake outside a long term relationship, do women generally prefer sex to be with someone they love, whereas will men generally take it wherever they can get it?
Something that seems to back this up is that in surveys, men claim many more sexual partners than women. Does this mean a small number of highly sexy women have sex with a lot of men, or does it just mean that men are lying?
If the men are lying, could it actually be that both men and women would prefer to be in a long term commitment where their sexual and emotional needs are met? I don't know.
One of the most exciting sexual times in my life was a relationship with a woman in her thirties who had, shall we say, an enthusiastic attitude to sex. For example, she liked porn videos, which I think is a bit unusual for a woman, and was uninhibited about trying new sexual experiences.
Although we got into bed on our second date (I'm assuming that's unusual for most relationships), she later told me this was not just because she fancied me and wanted sex, but because she trusted me as well, from the moment she saw me.
And maybe that's the point - for women, there more often needs to be an emotional aspect to the connection as well as a physical one, whereas for men it just isn't as crucial in making that decision about whether or not to have sex with someone.
A gay friend once said how unfair he thought it that gay men had been stereotyped as promiscuous (although of course there is a lot of truth in that assertion); he said that if there were places where straight men could have gotten sex as easily as gay men in the heyday of the sexual liberation of the seventies and eighties, pre-AIDS, there would have been a queue right around the block.
One of the things that really surprised me was finding how turned on it makes me when my girlfriend reaches very high levels of arousal and wants lustful, pure sex.
There is something extraordinarily arousing about seeing her desperate for the culmination of lovemaking, begging me to put my penis inside her, while I tease her by stimulating her even more with fingers and tongue.
I suppose we all tend to think in terms of lovemaking as being a very human thing, but really, sexual intercourse is so animalistic that it would be surprising if we did not occasionally feel a connection with our driven, lustful natures.
I think I am right in saying, however, that most of the time, most women are not turned on anything like they could be, and they do not get the pleasure from sex that they could, and it seems to me one of the reasons for this is that men do not know how to turn them on.
(I am being charitable here and assuming that it is not because men just want quick sex and are then satisfied.)
The level of sheer primal desire that I can summon up in my girl during sex makes it so much better for both of us - actually, that is an understatement of woeful proportions.
The truth is, I cannot believe how aroused and horny I am when she turns into a sex-hungry, lustful beast - and besides adding bucket loads of intensity to our sexual experience, this level of arousal, and the release that follows our orgasms (several of them in her case!), seems to have a much more spiritual dimension than "normal" lovemaking.
Now, are you dying to know how we achieve these incredible levels of sexual fulfillment? The answer is to spend enough time making love before the penis goes into her vagina with simple techniques that stimulate her whole body - things like sensuous massage, but especially genital massage around her vulva, clitoris and lastly inside her vagina - especially on her G spot.
This, more than any other single thing, turns a woman on more intensely than anything else. you can find many sex positions pictures here and this should provide you with enough inspiration to last for quite sometime!
But often when this happens, the cuddling that takes place instead may lead after an hour or two to a more physical romp, one that isn't as blindingly good as when we both really, really, want it, but which is still a nice, cozy warm feeling.
Other helpful resources are as follows: orgasm and sexual responsiveness which reveals secrets of orgasm, information about women sex and orgasm, information on miscellaneous aspects of female sexuality and a page describing what makes orgasm more likely - what makes a woman come, in fact.
I make love to my beloved in many ways: a look across the breakfast table that says "I'm glad you're here", a shared moment of intimacy, a kiss on some part of her body when we wake up snuggled more-or-less together, the murmured words "I love you" in a quiet moment, the surprise bunch of flowers, or romantic weekend away. And of course just being there for her, and doing things for her, and sharing parts of our lives.
All these things convey my love, and none of them involve my penis. Funnily enough, though, there seems to be a connection between how often I do these things and how often we have sex.
There is some mysterious connection between me and my beloved which means that we always know when we want to have sex - to make love physically.
Either one of us rarely has to ask for it, but when we do, the result may be a yes or a no. We don't like doing it just because the other one wants it - somehow this seems unfair. Yet of course we know that there are times when it is a gift for the other partner when he or she is feeling horny and in need of pleasure.... and she is happy to give this gift to pleasure her man. That is the art of give and take in a relationship.
Men! Find Out How You Can Reach Orgasm Every Time You Have Sex!
When a man doesn't reach orgasm, the woman will most likely feel frustrated, and the man will probably be lacking in confidence and frustrated too!
Do You Have Delayed Ejaculation?
Women say things like: "It doesn't matter" or "I enjoyed it anyway" but really, you both know that sex - and your relationship - would be much better if you could reach orgasm more often. And of course, even men sometimes start faking orgasm so that the woman is relieved and sex doesn't go on... and on.... and on....
Well, the great news is that reaching orgasm can be easy! Have a look at this website, which will show you how to enjoy an orgasm every time you have sex.
Updated 23 February 2020