either women who are completely anorgasmic, or women who simply can't
orgasm during sex, this website shows men things they need to know about
giving women orgasms
and pleasure in bed.
As Deborah Sundahl says in her book,
"Female ejaculation is inherently feminine, as well as fun and sexy. The
sensation of ejaculating is freeing and erotic. But that's not all.
Learning about female ejaculation and the G-spot reclaims a central, but
up to now missing, piece of women's sexual anatomy.
Female ejaculation is every woman's birthright because all women are
born with the anatomical ability to ejaculate."
what's it all about? Well, believe it or not, women can ejaculate fluid through
the urethra when they are aroused or during orgasm. This fluid is
not urine, nor is it vaginal lubrication - its chemical composition is quite
distinct from those two substances.
All women have the potential to
do this, but they may never have experienced ejaculation because of issues of
shame or fear - or because they are holding back on their ejaculation and have
grown accustomed to clamping their muscles in such a way that the fluid cannot
To understand how this happens,
let's look first at the structure of the female sex organs.
Deborah Sundahl's book describes this in great detail with clear illustrations, but the
essence of what she say is that besides the parts of the clitoris which
we know about (the glans, the hood, shaft and legs) there are other parts which lie underneath the
around the urethra, and between the anus and the vagina.
of this tissue is erectile tissue that swells on sexual arousal and becomes
full of blood.
Some of it is directly analogous to the tissue in the male
prostate gland: this female prostate tissue is elongated, and is embedded in
the wall of the urethra. It has glands which create prostatic fluid, and ducts
which convey the fluid into the urethra.
In fact, according to the research cited
by Deborah Sundahl, it typically has about forty ducts and glands, which
is three times the number in the male prostate.
With prolonged stimulation
of the correct kind, this tissue will produce large quantities of female
prostatic fluid which a woman can ejaculate - often very forcibly - through
Ah, you may be saying, this is all very well, but where's the proof? Well,
thanks to those women who have pioneered research on female ejaculation,
there's no shortage of evidence. And chemical tests on the fluid show it has a
very different composition to urine and vaginal fluid.
intend to go into all the tests and research here, because they are well
documented in Deborah's book, and the point of this page is not to prove to
you the reality of female ejaculation, but to show you how you can do it for
So what of the G-spot? The
G-spot is another
part of the sexual, erectile tissue that lies around the vagina and
urethra. When it is stimulated, the G-spot swells and engorges with
blood, and the glands within it produce the female prostatic fluid.
Traditional descriptions talk of the
G-spot as part of the vaginal wall. But in fact it is more accurately
described as an organ one can feel through the vaginal wall.
And it's not hard to feel it: although it is a different size in each woman, a
finger gently inserted from one to one and a half inches into the vagina and
then pressed upwards will quickly find the ridges and bumps of the G-spot.
Some of these ridges and bumps are small, some are large; some protrude more
into the vagina than others - but every woman has a G-spot, and every woman,
or her partner, can feel it when she inserts a finger like this.
can be very sensitive to sexual stimulation, or it can be numbed - this is
often the case when a woman has experienced sexual abuse. It is a nerve center
and junction box of the nervous system, and so a great deal of sexual healing
can take place when the G-spot is stimulated, along with the expression of
emotions associated with the "body memories" stored there. More of which,
The G-spot has its own nerve supply; a
different nerve supply from the clitoris. The clitoris is supplied mainly by
the pudendal nerve, the G-spot by the pelvic nerve.
And the G-spot's
nerves are stimulated mainly through the wall of the vagina. Now - do you
begin to see the truth of the old idea that there are two types of female
orgasm - a clitoral orgasm, and a vaginal (or G-spot) orgasm?
It's no surprise
to learn that these two sources of a woman's sexual pleasure will provide
different sexual experiences and different types of orgasm. What may come a
surprise, though, is that the G-spot is actually capable of providing more
intense, longer, and more fulfilling orgasms than the clitoris.
And when an
orgasm is the result of stimulation to both the clitoris and the G-spot (i.e.
when both the pudendal nerve and the pelvic nerve contribute to the orgasm),
it is a blended orgasm with characteristics of both clitoral and vaginal
The next part of the story of
female orgasm and ejaculation is the group of muscles around the area of
the anus and vagina - the
pubococcygeus muscles. These muscles increase
the intensity of orgasm when they are strong and healthy. They also help
to prevent stress incontinence. What's more, when they are
operating properly, they expel female prostatic fluid, which helps
prevent stagnation and infection of the urinary tract.
that begins to emerge is of a wonderful sexual machinery which can work
beautifully and in harmony and help a woman get in touch with her health and
femininity, but which may, when it doesn't work in a smooth, coordinated way,
lead to sexual problems, urinary problems, and give a woman a sense of being
out of touch with her body. So there are plenty of reasons for learning how to
enjoy G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation as part of your orgasmic
And this orgasmic potential is much
greater than most people realize - men and women alike. (There is another page
in this website about multiple orgasm for men, who are even less accustomed to
the idea of multiple orgasm than women.)
But both the male page on
multiple orgasm and this page are not about just coming and coming and coming
- they are about the more profound emotional fulfillment, the almost spiritual
sense of well-being and ecstasy, that emerges from the more profound orgasms
induced by the stimulation of tissues and sensory nerves other than those in
the clitoris and penis.
is not to downgrade clitoral orgasms in importance. It's true that when the pudendal nerve is stimulated, via the clitoris, a woman's pleasure can be intense.
The clitoral orgasm is characterized
by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the muscles around the
genitals, and multiple orgasm and feelings of being insatiable occur most
easily with this type of orgasm. But stimulating the G-spot,
and hence stimulating the pelvic nerve, seems to be the gateway to
higher levels of sexual energy and pleasure.
This is the vaginal or G-spot orgasm. This deeper orgasm tends to involve the expression of
emotions, the expression of sounds, and the release of tension. But many
orgasm are of course reached by stimulation of clitoris and
G-spot. This "blended" orgasm is much deeper than a clitoral orgasm and
can be profoundly rewarding and fulfilling for a woman.
Sundahl talks in her book of a third type of orgasm: a uterine orgasm.
This is one experienced rarely by most women, and consists of an orgasm which
is reached through stimulation of the pelvic nerve only.
experienced as extremely intense and pleasurable, and occurs when the cervix
is stimulated by being "jostled" during sex. As most women know, a penis
hitting the cervix can be extremely painful, so a high level of arousal and
stimulation is needed before there is any chance of a uterine orgasm.
Amrita - nectar of the
a woman ejaculates, she may emit large quantities of secretions.
Tantric temples in ancient India depicted the practices of sexual yoga and the
positions that would allow sexual energy to build up to the point where a
woman would emit Amrita - her sacred secretions.
But it's not that hard: you don't have to be a graduate of Tantra to
achieve female ejaculation. You can enjoy the excitement of female ejaculation
without the mysterious sexual practices that were once thought necessary to
achieve the emission of Amrita.
But a woman's partner might still enjoy the experience of bathing in the
emissions, or drinking them from the lips of his Goddess's Yoni (her vagina)
at the culmination of intimacy, as the Tantric initiates of Ancient India used
Sundahl emphasizes that a woman's chances of learning to ejaculate are much
higher if she has a positive attitude, and especially if she has little
shame around her body or sexuality. She offers some ways to check whether a woman is ready to ejaculate or not. If you want to
out, you can buy her book or visit her website. But don't let your doubts stop
you trying. At the very least you'll have lots of fun finding out if you
can female ejaculate!
thing that will definitely help you learn to ejaculate is a strong set of PC
muscles. There are many ways that you can learn to tone these up, ranging from
tightening and relaxing them as you move around during the day to using some
interesting mechanical aids.
One method is to squeeze against a long
slim vibrator inserted into the vagina: squeeze for three seconds then relax
for three seconds, being sure to only contract the PC muscles.
The goal is
to work up to 100 contractions per session, three times a day, five days a
week. The increased strength and fitness of the muscles that results will help
you to both control ejaculation and enjoy a more powerful ejaculation. If you
need more help, I recommend you buy Deborah's book or look at the list of
websites which might be helpful at the end of this page.
without orgasm - a starting point
a woman learning to ejaculate, privacy is very important, as is persistence
and patience. It may also help if you empty your bladder before you
begin, so that later when you have the feelings that precede ejaculation,
you do not mistake them for a need to pee.
Of great help in this whole process is a relaxed approach, a sense of being in
touch with your own body, and an open mind. The exercises require at the very
least that you are able to reach into your own vagina with enthusiasm and
comfort. Lubing your finger well will help in this exploration.
Begin by exploring the outer reaches of your vagina. Use a mirror to examine
yourself and see how your urethral opening responds to pressure on the vaginal
opening - does it recede or stay near the entrance?
This is important,
because if the urethral opening is pushed upwards when you are penetrated, you
may not be able to ejaculate when there is something in your vagina. Push your
finger higher up - about an inch or two inside - and feel the ridges of your
Run your finger back and forth over them to get the feel of the
ridges and bumps of your G-spot, and move it from side to side so as to
establish where the edges of the G-spot lie. It occupies a much bigger area
than most people think, and may go further back towards the cervix than you
When you are confident that you have
explored the area of your G-spot, experiment by squeezing your PC muscles and
your buttock muscles. See how the pressure on the floor and roof of the vagina
change as you squeeze different muscles.
Finally, spread your labia
with two fingers and then push your PC muscles forward. The G-spot may move
forward enough that its ridges are visible at the vaginal opening. As Deborah
says, "Isn't it beautiful?"
The next stage of
your exploration is to massage your vulva, play with your clitoris, and stroke
your urethral opening and vulva before moving a finger inside to pay
with your G-spot. Press firmly on the G-spot, play with it, squeeze it, and
roll it around. Each of these movements will produce a different sensation,
some more erotic than others.
Stay relaxed and breath easily while
you play with your G-spot, and feel the pleasure of your femininity and the
wonder of your warm, juicy and receptive vagina.
With enough attention of this kind, your G-spot will swell and become full.
You will feel physically aroused. This is the first step on the road to
ejaculation: next, you need to build a full and engorged G-spot. Keep playing
with it until you begin to feel the urge to orgasm.
At some point as
you stimulate your G-spot, you may think the feeling in your urethra means you
need to urinate. This is in fact the first stage of the ejaculation response,
and it will pass. Indeed, it may be replaced by little shooting streaks
of pleasure that travel down your legs - these will get stronger as you get
However, the best way to experience them is to relax and
wait for them to arrive - don't try to force them! And don't worry if you
don't feel them - just keep on stimulating and relaxing your G-spot.
As you get
more aroused, your G-spot will get bigger. At this stage you can practice
pushing out the ejaculate: to quote Deborah Sundahl, "Stimulate your
G-spot as you raise your buttocks off the floor and firmly push outward with
your PC muscles as if forcing yourself to pee. After a minute or two, push,
hold, relax and continue to stimulate. Remember to keep your finger in your
vagina the entire time.
stimulate-push-hold-relax-stimulate procedure a few times." Continue to
do this until you feel like you want to have an orgasm: then, if (a) your
G-spot is swollen, and (b) when you push it feels like you want to pee, and
(c) you are aroused and excited, you are ready to ejaculate. Take you finger
out of your vagina and push your ejaculate out, as if forcing yourself to pee.
You are aiming to push the fluid out, not hold it back.
be shy about this - and don't worry about peeing. The feeling that you
want to pee is common when you begin to learn to ejaculate. Another
sensation that women often report is one of burning in their urethra.
Again, these are all signals that you are entering the process of G-spot
arousal, fluid production, and preparing to ejaculate.
what I am saying here is only a brief summary of the whole method, so don't
be disheartened if you don't achieve ejaculation. The best thing to do
is to get one of the videos or books on the subject and take yourself through
the whole procedure again in more detail.
the way, you will be able to tell the difference between urine and ejaculate
easily - one is colorless and has no smell, and the other, well, smells
and looks like urine.
with orgasm - by yourself
You may find, as your body wakens up to the
potential of new ways of reaching orgasm, that you become less satisfied with
a clitoral orgasm, and your need to be stimulated on the G-spot and achieve a
vaginal orgasm (or even a uterine orgasm) becomes greater.
Also, you may find that if you rely on the clitoris alone to move towards
an orgasm, you can't then switch into G-spot orgasm mode when you are ready to
climax - so it's important that your experience is holistic right from the
start, and that you involve your clitoris and G-spot together.
If your G-spot hasn't wakened up, you may need to spend a lot of time
massaging and awakening it before you are ready to orgasm and ejaculate! A
well-lubed sex toy, or a finger, are the ideal tools to extend your G-spot
The method is simple: using
your fingers, in luxurious movements of sensuous massage and strokes,
stimulate your vulva, the whole of the tissue around your vaginal opening, as
well as your clitoris and G-spot. It may take time to orgasm in this way or
you may come quickly.
And sometimes, stimulating the G-spot will
bring up intense emotional feelings, and you may need to deal with those. But
eventually you will find you have a G-spot orgasm, and from there it is but a
small step to ejaculation with an orgasm. here's what you do: lie in the
position in which you have learnt to ejaculate; push out just before you get
to orgasm; expel whatever is in your vagina - dildo, vibrator, finger - as you
push out so that the ejaculatory fluid can shoot (or dribble) out.
the push correctly is essential, or it won't be exactly an ejaculation.
important point here is that these techniques can be used to get in
touch with, and express, your deepest emotions. Be wild! Be passionate!
with a partner
thing that's necessary is that your partner should learn about your
G-spot, just as you have, so invite him into your vagina to explore. He
will probably find it fascinating and exciting, and his excitement may turn
you on even more. If you don't know how to approach this, say
something like, "I've been reading about the G-spot and I'd like to know if
you can find mine."
But don't give yourselves performance anxiety! Take it easy and stay
relaxed, take it one step at a time, and enjoy the sex for its own sake. When
my partner and I started to explore my G-spot together, we used his fingers,
and I was able to tell him how to adjust his touch as he massaged inside me to
give me the greatest pleasure. I find a fantastic way of getting aroused is to
have him kneel between my legs as I lie on the bed and lick my vulva and clit
while he stimulates me inside on the G-spot with his finger.
I climax really
easily this way, and have often squirted fluid out at the moment of orgasm. A
lot of the success I've had with that has been because I'm relaxed and don't
care about appearances (e.g.. making a wet patch on the bed!)
excites him enormously when I do squirt, though it doesn't happen every time.
I think he's eagerly anticipating the day he gets a jet of female ejaculate
right in the face!
what's interesting about this is that after I have come, and we've
cuddled, my vagina is still swollen - and it definitely wants his cock
in there. He isn't that large, but the shape of his penis stimulates the
outer ridge of my G-spot perfectly, and I just go into total bliss when
he thrusts - even very gentle, small thrusts over the edge of the G-spot
will send me into shivers of ecstasy.
of the best ways to stimulate the G-spot in this position is with a firm
touch, though of course it is necessary to experiment to fid what suits
you. But if you feel a sensation of burning or pain when he first massages
or presses your G-spot, don't be discouraged - this is very
normal, and it will go away if you persist. A lot of women give up at
this stage, I think, and miss the sumptuous pleasures that would come if
they just went through these initial sensations.
I was fortunate, perhaps, because I didn't get any of the deep "negative"
emotions like rage coming out when my G-spot was first stimulated: what
happened to me was that I laughed and laughed and laughed! But whatever
emotions come up, they are just feelings, whatever form they take, and they
However, it is important for your partner to know that
something may come up, and if it does, it's nothing to do with him. Just
remind him that women are meant to be emotional creatures, and since romance
and sex are so closely linked through the nerve centers in the G-spot, it's
natural for a woman to feel emotional when she begins to open up to the
feelings "stored" in her G-spot.
I have no
doubt that if your man is good at staying in control of his ejaculation and
can thrust for a long time, provided that his penis is catching your G-spot in
the right way, the best possible way of building up to an explosive orgasm is
through vaginal intercourse.
There is an exchange of energy between
his cock and your vagina which stimulates your G-spot arousal at a deep, deep
level. You might even be able to feel this exchange of energy as though it
were shivery darts and tingles of electricity (but a very pleasant kind of
electricity) running all around your vagina and then up into your body,
possibly even into your heart Chakra, which may open to your lover as the
great way to achieve G-spot orgasm and ejaculation is through face to
face intercourse, with you on a stool and him standing. You can stare
deeply into each others' eyes this way, you can give him feedback about what's
good for you, and he has the excitement of watching his penis going in
and out of you - something which turns men on very much.
whatever you do, your G-spot needs to be aroused before he enters you.
As your arousal grows, so will his, and if he enters you too soon, he
will probably just come too quickly before you have begun to have an
orgasm - though of course he can always bring you to orgasm with his
fingers and tongue.
What a man can do to help a woman achieve orgasm and even female ejaculation
supportive and show excitement (which will be easy - men love female ejaculation).
make it into a big thing and a performance issue. For example, if she is frightened
of pissing on you, tell her she won't piss on you, and even if she does,
it doesn't matter.
Help her to
relax and accept the emission as a natural, exciting, healthy aspect of
Use small movements
of your penis in and out of the entry to her vagina to stimulate her
G-spot slowly and gently at first. Experiment with various thrusting techniques
to see what works best for her.
how to come many times yourself - male multiple orgasms help her achieve
ejaculation. This is especially true if you do not ejaculate. You can
learn how to do this at Jack Johnston's
Male Multiple Orgasm site. Click here for details. Basically,
though, it is a man's ejaculation that drains him of energy: orgasms
without ejaculation are energizing!
her G-spot is fully aroused before you stimulate it. Otherwise the experience
may be uncomfortable for her.
a heart connection with your lover. Women crave a heart connection
during lovemaking. The G-spot is the route to a woman's soul, so respect
it. Take everything slowly and allow her to develop trust and love. Then
her G-spot will open the door to her true passion.
healing and the G-spot
Negative messages of hurt,
damage, abuse, violence - not just rape, but even insensitive hard thrusting
during intercourse, before a woman is ready for it - and are stored in
the body. It will not surprise you to learn that sexual violence or damage -
even of a psychological kind - can be stored in the muscles of the genitals,
and especially in the G-spot.
With the right approach, the
psychological consequences of these events can be healed through the G-spot,
and as they are, the physical problems (such as muscle tension, defensive
postures, stiffness) associated with the psychological issues will resolve as
Sexual healing, therefore, is
an important part of a woman's sexual awakening, and while I can hardly do it
justice on this web page, it might be helpful to make a few points.
A healing G-spot massage uses a finger to apply pressure to the G-spot so that
stored blocks to erotic pleasure can be identified and removed. This will
allow a woman's sexual energy to flow more freely.
A woman who is receiving this healing experience aims to allow her emotions
and energy to flow without censorship or inhibition. There may be pain; there
may be rage; but these are only feelings, and they will pass.
The person giving the massage - let us suppose this is a man - needs to be
focused on his partner as she receives the massage, and able to listen and
concentrate on her so that she feels supported. In addition, he should remind
her to breathe, and should look into her eyes, so that she is grounded and in
contact with the present while her historical, stored emotions emerge and
And she should communicate clearly what is going on, open herself to receive
pleasure and be aware that this is her time, hopefully unbroken and devoted to
her for as long as she needs it.
energy will flow during a G-spot massage, and it will follow the
intention of the massager. So the massager can direct it with his hands
up and around the body of his partner with whole body caresses, by
stroking her breasts, stomach, genitals, face and head - all this will spread
the energy around.
begin, once the woman is aroused enough, the massager will gently insert
a finger into her vagina and begin to explore the surface of her G-spot
with his touch. Such penetration of the woman's body can be
extremely exciting and arousing for the man.
The receiver needs to stay in the present by maintaining eye contact with the
massager, but at the same time needs to recognize what is going on in her
G-spot and her mind and body. She can communicate this to the massager, who
will gracefully accept what she says - and nothing more.
It's important that there's no interpretation or attempt at problem solving -
the healing is in the release of emotions, not in dealing with them! In other
words, her partner should just be there for her.
massager can start with circular movements on the surface of her
G-spot; some areas will feel more sensitive and pleasurable than others.
Different emotions may come as he touches different places on the G-spot.
When she experiences an emotion, the massager should keep pressing on the spot
that produced the emotion, gently massaging it with his fingertip. This will
facilitate the process of emoting.
if the receiver feels nothing, in other words, if her G-spot is numbed,
then he should press firmly with his finger all over her G-spot. Some
places may feel painful, but continuing firm pressure on these spots may
help to shift this and break through to another level of feeling. But of
course the pressure should not be so firm that it is itself painful!
The ideal outcome of this process is that the woman experiences the emotions
as they arise, feels them, and then lets them pass. This is where the healing
lies - no matter how intense the emotions may be.
The massager needs to be sensitive to all of this, and should wait for the
emotions to pass before he continues to another area on her G-spot. Of course
this does not all have to be done in one session.
the way, it is not necessary or desirable to re-experience a past
traumatic event - indeed, this can be retraumatizing. The aim of the
process is to allow powerful emotional blocks to dissipate without
having to relive anything. This can be facilitated by keeping eye
contact, voicing feelings, making sounds (whatever they may be), breathing
regularly and relaxing.
kind of response to emotions that come up is to stop the massager, or to
withdraw and become lethargic. Both these responses suggest that more
work needs to be done - perhaps at a later time when the woman feels
more ready for it.
the man who is skilled in ejaculation control, intercourse may be an
appropriate way of massaging the G-spot with his penis. He may gently
move his penis across her G-spot's surface and pause when she emotes,
waiting for her reactions to diminish before he continues thrusting or
moving inside her (my partner's circular movements have proved great for
me). Needless to say, this approach to sexual healing requires a high
level of trust and intimacy.
you want to try this for yourself, I suggest you read the account of a
sexual healing session in Deborah Sundahl's book Female Ejaculation and
You want to make her scream
and scratch and proclaim you the greatest lover in the history of man?
Youíve got to realize that itís not about positions, itís about
perceptions. Synonyms for perception are: Insight, Awareness,
Discernment, Observation, and Sensitivity.
You must have insight into
the nature of female orgasm and understand that itís a complex
combination of physical and emotional factors that must be addressed
using physical and emotional techniques. You must be aware of the
differences between clitoral and G-Spot orgasms, and know how and when
to produce each different variety.
You must discern between women that really turn you on
and women that you just want to have sex with because itís easy or
theyíre available. The greatest heights of sexual climax are only
available to people with a genuinely intense level of DESIRE for each
other; when the chemistry crackles with electric sparks. You must
observe which of your techniques and touches are working, and which are
ineffective or counterproductive.
Not EVERY technique is
going to resonate with every woman, and a great lover will monitor a
womanís reactions in order to focus on what fuels her fire. Sensitivity
is a key that opens several doors on the corridor to female ecstasy. You
must be sensitive about the time and place ≠ not every moment or
location is appropriate for unbridled passion.
Also be sensitive to her subtle reactions, clues that
will lead you to her hot spots and cold zones. And lastly, be sensitive
to the signals that a woman gives off which indicate whether she is
capable of letting go with you and willing to let it flow.
Sensuous massage for a woman
Intercourse is only one way of making love.
Another very special way a man can bring his partner to the peak of sexual
desire and give her the pleasure of very intense orgasms is by arousing her with
sensuous massage and vaginal stimulation with his fingers.
This enables him to
find and massage her G-spot, a technique which produces the most intense orgasms
a woman can experience. See
When all of these exciting and stimulating
techniques are combined with massage of her vulva lips and clitoris, she will
come more intensely than by clitoral stimulation alone. The exciting thing for
the man - apart from the pleasure he gets from seeing his partner so satisfied -
is that such intense female arousal will turn him on with an almost primal
These techniques of sensuous arousal and vaginal massage are some of
the most incredibly arousing things a man can do for a woman, perhaps coming
second only to cunnilingus.