Sex and Love

Extended Orgasm (1)

There are simple ways in which you can extend the pleasure of your orgasms into minutes or even hours.

Though this may seem unlikely, the average orgasm - even for a woman - consists of ten or so muscular contractions, and there's ample evidence that learning how to extend it isn't actually that difficult.

 The techniques described here are based on the book ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm, by Alan and Donna Brauer.

The focus of this article is how a man can bring a woman to orgasm for a much longer time than normal. Note that of course you need to have at least some degree of ability to last longer in bed for men but that isn't the main aspect of ejaculatory discussed here.

After enough foreplay to get her aroused, the woman lies comfortably on her back with her head propped on a pillow, and separates her legs in any way that gives her the maximum comfort.

The man needs to find a comfortable place where he can see and easily touch his partner's genitals.

When he is comfortable, he lubes his hand with an ample amount of long-lasting lubricant, and then applies it to his partner's entire genital area: her inner and outer labia, her clitoris, the opening of her vagina, a little way into the vagina itself, and down along the perineum.

If both partners like it, he can also massage her perineum and anal area, which is a sensitive erogenous zone.

The man now starts to stimulate the sensitive tissues of his partner's genital area by working from her less erogenous areas towards her more erogenous areas: in other words, teasing, playing with the skin and hair around her genitals, just lightly touching her sensitive parts and then drawing away again, and generally working towards her clitoris and vulva as she becomes more aroused.

Since this is what women do when they masturbate, she can explain the process to him - men are generally very penis-focused and may therefore assume she wants his attention straight on her clitoris.

Stroking her clitoris

Because the clitoris is so sensitive, a man needs to find out how his partner likes to be touched, and also in what way.

She may prefer direct touch, or indirect touch; she may prefer circling movements or rubbing up and down.

This is a matter for the couple to work out together - there's no preset formula that will work for all women, and to ensure that the woman receives the stimulation she needs to reach a prolonged orgasm, it's necessary that she is happy with the way she is being stimulated.

Good communication is essential here: without it, irritation and blame may creep in.

But feedback can be delivered in a way that doesn't hurt the man's pride - after all, he can't be expected to guess what she wants - he needs help.

So she can say things like: "Lighter; harder, up; to the side; on the clitoris, down; rub the whole area; that feels good, and can you also..." so that the whole experience stays stress-free for both of you.

The process of building trust and establishing extended orgasm is much easier when a couple have a good and open long term relationship.

But even if you do, it can still be helpful to devote a few sessions of sexual foreplay to showing each other how you both like your penis and clitoris (and everywhere else) to be stimulated - what kinds of strokes work best for you, and the strength of touch that is most pleasurable.

It's important for a man to understand that a woman may need a few minutes to work out whether a change of touch or movement on her vulva or clitoris is pleasurable for her.

She doesn't get the instant kind of feedback that a man enjoys when he is masturbating - he knows right away if something doesn't suit him, and he changes it.

A woman needs longer to appreciate the feelings she gets from a particular movement.

A good way to identify what your partner likes is to try stimulating different areas of the clitoris and to use different strokes - but change strokes slowly and gradually.

If she shows signs of increasing arousal - especially if her labia become engorged and a deeper red color - then you are on the right track.

One especially good movement is to gently hold her clitoris between the forefinger and thumb of one hand as you gently stroke over it with the tip of the forefinger of the other hand.

The movement your finger traces on her clitoris can be up and down, or from side to side across the surface of the clitoris.

To reemphasize the point, you need to experiment and find out what your partner likes. In all cases your basic stroke should be slow and steady, about one cycle per second.

It's especially important to keep up a steady rhythm.

Even if she doesn't appear to be responding to what you're doing, it's important to keep up a steady movement - a woman's arousal builds up much more slowly than a man's, and her arousal may well be increasing as you work, even if she is not moving or moaning much.

If you break the sequence, you may well interrupt her ascent into sexual pleasure, and the whole process then becomes jerky and interrupted rather than smoothly flowing.

Watch your partner's reaction. If a stroke is working, it arouses her: her labia become more swollen and red with increased blood flow, her clitoris becomes erect and stands up proud of her body, and the glans of her clitoris is revealed as the clitoral hood recedes (just as the foreskin peels back when your cock becomes erect). Your partner can guide you by making sounds.

If what you're doing feels right, she can moan, hum, or sigh with pleasure; this lets you know that she's getting aroused, and it's also arousing in itself. By contrast, talking at this point is distracting.

Another useful sign of arousal is the way your partner moves: when she's aroused, she will shift her pelvis in a way that tilts her vulva towards your hand. She's asking, in effect, for greater contact.

If she moves away from your touch - perhaps in a slight movement of only a quarter inch or so - then you need to slow down, change movement or ask her to tell you what she needs.

Other useful indicators of increasing arousal are moaning, increasing muscular tension, curling of her toes and feet, and slight sweating.


Building arousal

By skillfully using a mixture of stimulating and slightly less exciting strokes, you can build your partner's sexual tension to very high levels.

Use up to ten strokes in a way that you know will excite her, then relax the pressure, or move slightly to one side of her clitoris, so that she gets less stimulation, and move your fingers in this less stimulating way for two, three or four strokes.

In some cases, you may even find that if you stop moving your fingers altogether for a second or two there will be a big increase in her arousal when you start again.

It's all dependent on the individual woman you're with, but the general process is this: stimulate, back off, stimulate.

When you do this, her arousal may build rapidly to much higher levels than it would if you continually stimulated her in the same way.

She may protest when you ease off, but as long as you don't ease off or stop for so long that her arousal drops significantly, she will continue to move towards high arousal when you reapply your fingers.

You can take her to extremely high levels of arousal with only your thumb and forefinger. For a variation, add the middle finger, so you have three fingers cradling the clitoris.

The thumb continues to anchor the clitoris from above; the forefinger and the middle finger then stroke the sides of the clitoris and its base.

This is an excellent clitoral control stroke.

The point is to find the best way to build arousal to higher and higher levels, always backing off when the climbing stops.

You're also likely to find that at some point she wants your finger(s) inside her vagina. You can gently insert one or two fingers with the pads of the finger tips facing upwards (assuming she's lying on her back) and gently massage her G spot in the way described on another set of information about extended orgasm.

It's important to understand that the stimulation of her vagina and clitoris will complement each other as she moves towards orgasm. And when she begins to tip over into orgasm it's essential to be stimulating her G spot.

Use plenty of lube for this kind of sex - whether you think her vagina needs it or not, because while things can feel good to her, she may be very sore next day if you just rely on her own natural lube.

Note that this extensive friction to the vagina can damage the epithelial tissue and allow tiny tears in the epithelium to admit infectious agents - sexually transmitted infections, HIV, or Candida, which can promote yeast infection.

Resistances

While you're stroking her clitoris, what's your partner doing? She's feeling good, certainly, but she's also thinking, and that thinking will interfere with her ability to reach orgasm. These intrusive and disruptive thoughts are called "resistances".

Other pages:

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Women's arousal & sex
Male sexual issues
Coital alignment technique
Tantric sex
Sex positions for orgasm
Manifestation Law Attraction
Women & sex
Sex and sexuality
Making love and having sex
Desire, excitement and orgasm
How to improve your sex life
A catalogue of possibilities
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Extended orgasm for women (1)
Extended orgasm for women (2)
Multiple orgasms for couples
Multiple orgasms & sexual healing