If you suffer from premature ejaculation, then oral sex on your partner is a very good way to help her get sexual pleasure before you enter her - especially if the duration of intercourse is likely to be short due to your premature ejaculation.

If you need help with controlling the speed with which your female partner reaches orgasm, or indeed if you need help to get her to orgasm at all, check out Orgasm By Command Review. It's a great program to help men and women achieve sexual pleasure.

Sex and Love

Oral sex - cunnilingus

For men: how to make oral sex great for your female partner!

Here is an interesting quote from an Internet advice column run by women for men:

Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her come like crazy.

Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most it is the easiest way to come with a man. You may have the smallest dick on the planet, but if you give great head you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover.

Yes, it's that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these days - you might as well know what you're doing.

So - you'd like a few tips? You'd like to have her squirming under your tongue and moaning or even screaming with pleasure as she comes? Then read on.

Oral sex is very stimulating for a woman because you can reach the most sensitive areas of her vulva and clitoris, something that is not always possible with the old penis-in-the-vagina routine.

It's good to become more familiar with your woman's anatomy before you start, so either gently explore her vulva with her, or if she is too shy to do this, gently explore it yourself as you give her oral sex.

Or learn about it first: see The Clitoris Website for hundreds of close up, detailed pictures of the area! Vulvavelvet also provides a selection of pictures of the clitoris and labia.

Here's how to make oral sex on a woman a great experience. For both of you. But before you go - an amusing article on cunnilingus (more or less)....

1 Dealing with the scents and tastes of her vagina

Most men really like the natural taste and scent of a woman's vagina. In fact, it's often very sexually arousing for them. Women, though, apparently do not always feel the same way.

This is often because their embarrassed parents said things like "Don't touch yourself down there, it's dirty" to stop their little girl's natural sexual curiosity.

Sadly, a girl who hears or senses such attitudes from her parents may come to believe these things so firmly that as an adult woman she's not so keen on her man putting his head down there and licking her vulva!

One way to deal with this is to discuss it - to bring it out into the open and find out what would be acceptable to your female partner.

For example, would taking a bath and washing her vulva before lovemaking be reassuring enough about her cleanliness for her to relax into oral sex?

Another way to encourage her to enjoy this kind of lovemaking is to move gently towards oral sex as she becomes more aroused.

For example, working towards her vulva during foreplay with teasing little circular touches that move gradually higher and higher up her inner thighs can be a great way of getting her aroused.

If you do the same thing with your mouth, kissing and licking her thighs as she becomes more aroused, you may find that she will accept your mouth on her vulva without much protest.

And oral sex can be a very liberating thing - once a woman has experienced it, she's likely to want it again in the future.

Of course, normal personal hygiene means that a woman will wash her vagina to keep it from smelling, just as a man will (naturally) wash under his foreskin to keep that area clean.

But she may also need to hear from her man that he enjoys her vagina's natural taste and scent, and that far from finding it unpleasant, he actually likes it!

And of course, since a woman's anus is near her vulva, it is always a good idea to give that area an extra wash before oral sex!

2 Be open to the experience

But what if you don't like the natural taste and smell of a vagina? Well, maybe you can act as if you enjoy it, because oral sex will certainly give your woman a lot of pleasure.

And you'll almost certainly find that as she begins to find it more arousing and exciting, the sexier you'll find it, and the more turned on you'll get.

At some point, even just the idea of oral sex, not to mention the thought of her scent and taste, will probably become exciting to you.

Certainly there seems to be a point during oral sex when the taste of a woman's vaginal juices changes - a sign of her increasing arousal and excitement - and at this point you may find yourself really getting into it with full concentration and focus, because the experience becomes one which is as exciting for you as it is for her.

3 Be ready and willing to give her pleasure even if it's tiring or takes time

How far are you prepared to go to give her pleasure? With oral sex, sooner or later you'll find yourself in an awkward or tiring position, licking furiously with a tired tongue as she shouts "Oh God, I'm coming, don't stop!"

You might have to be ready to put up with the discomfort, while at the same time making sure you aren't so uncomfortable that the experience loses its pleasure for you.

4 Do it graciously and willingly

If you are unhappy about giving her oral sex, for whatever reason (most likely because you want to penetrate her, or you want her to give you oral sex), she will sense your discomfort and perhaps start worrying about whether or not you're enjoying it. If she does, it's unlikely she's going to come.

By the way, it's worth remembering that a woman who has had an orgasm from oral sex combined with a finger stimulating the inside of her vagina will be much more receptive to intercourse and much more likely to have an orgasm from vaginal thrusting.

So if you give her oral sex as a prelude to vaginal intercourse, you may well end up increasing your own pleasure. You'll certainly increase hers, anyway!

5 Respect each other's wishes

The best way to keep the sexual part of a relationship running smoothly is to communicate - and this is especially true during oral sex.

Women often find it difficult to say what they want or don't want, like or don't like, but they need to be able to do this to get the most out of sex, especially oral sex.

A woman will often need to tell you exactly what to do so she can reach orgasm.

You can encourage her to express her desires by ensuring the lines of communication are kept open, and by respecting what she says, even if you don't want to do it.

If both partners in a relationship know they can say what is on their mind and ask for what they want without fear of recrimination, sex is likely to be much more enjoyable.

By contrast, it's helpful if a woman communicates her desires, needs and wishes to her partner in positive terms and praises his efforts before she suggests something else: for example, "That's good, now how about trying...."

Above all, a woman should be constructive and make sure that her man feels his efforts are appreciated. Sometimes a simple "yes" or "no" or "do this" is a better way of communicating your wishes than a lengthy explanation.

Many men will find it very off-putting if a woman begins to analyze what's happening while her man's got his face between her legs!

6 Be adventurous in what you do

Sex is something that can get boring, even when two people love each other a lot. Perhaps people don't try new techniques, new positions, sex toys and anal play because they are too shy to talk about it. Well, if you don't ask, you don't get!

Sometimes a simple variation in technique is helpful in reintroducing excitement.

For instance, oral sex between a man and a woman would normally be done with the woman lying on her back, knees apart and raised, perhaps with her butt on a pillow cushion, and her man kneeling between her legs face down at his work.

But what about these possibilities: the woman kneeling on the edge of a bed with the man licking her from behind with his face between the cheeks of her bottom; the woman lying face down on the bed with her hips raised; the woman sitting over the man's face as he lies on his back on the bed; and, of course, the good old 69, with one partner lying on their back and the other lying on top of them, each with their face to the other's crotch: there are plenty of variations of this one, and side by side 69'ing is very popular.

And since sexual excitement isn't just about sex positions, it's about sexual techniques as well, it also has loads of information on how to make sex more interesting and passionate.

7 Techniques to make oral sex good for both of you!

Oral sex is something you need to work up to - you can't just get down and start licking her clit.

Well, on second thoughts, I suppose you can, but she might not appreciate it. For one thing, unless she is aroused, a woman's clit is often far too sensitive to take direct stimulation.

For another, she will need to be aroused before she really wants clitoral or vaginal stimulation: very few women appreciate a finger inside them before they are aroused, and they don't want a man trying to make a dive for their panties as soon as the first kiss is over.

This is partly physical and partly psychological.

She needs to be aroused and receptive to want genital contact, let alone penetration; secondly, until she has lubricated, she will probably not be comfortable with a finger inside her.

It's much more important for a woman to be aroused before the real intimacy starts than it is for a man, most of whom, given the chance, would fuck something as soon as their penis was erect.

So be sensitive to what she needs, which is lots of foreplay and gentle arousal.

(There are exceptions to this rule, such as when you get home from an evening out and she wants it as urgently as you do, so you rip your clothes off just inside the front door and get down to it on the carpet, but in general women want and need to be aroused before they are comfortable with genital contact and penetration.)

So, assuming you haven't fallen on each other as soon as you got through the front door, and you're now kissing gently and tenderly, with your arousal growing, what next?

Well, you can always ask your female partner when she would like you to go down on her - though she might prefer you to work it out for yourself!

She is certainly going to want to be kissed and caressed for some time. You can stroke her breasts, face, back, arms and bottom as you kiss and elegantly undress each other.

You'll know from the responses and the little shifts of her body and her murmurings of pleasure if you are doing something she likes.

If you find something that works for her, keep doing it: if not, try something else. Come to think of it, try something else anyway!

If you think of the whole of a woman's body as sexually sensitive, you won't go far wrong. But some parts of it are more sexually sensitive than others. For example, licking and gently teasing her breasts and nipples with your tongue can be very exciting for her.

The best way to discover what your partner likes is to be responsive and sensitive to her movements, her breathing, and the sounds she makes.

If you are with a woman who is a bit inhibited about making any noise during lovemaking, encourage her to express her feelings vocally, but be sensitive and respectful of she says and does during your lovemaking, and never, ever criticize her negatively or feed her words back critically later on.

To be sexually and emotionally fulfilled a woman needs to trust her partner, and she won't do this if she is scared of ridicule or criticism.

In fact, since most women are much more aware of their bodies than most men, and probably much more anxious that they are not good enough, you can reassure and relax her by telling her how beautiful and attractive each part of her body is as you make love.

As your lovemaking proceeds, she will become aroused and her vagina will become well lubricated with her sensuous natural juices. At some point she will be aroused and ready for you to touch her genitals.

If you move your hands over her lower abdomen and thighs and she opens her legs or pushes her hips and pelvis towards you, it's a good sign that she is ready for genital contact.

Gentle teasing can be arousing for her - for instance, you could kiss her inner thighs and then move away again, brushing her pubes or coming close to her labia with your lips as you move back to kiss or lick her abdomen.

You will soon have an idea of when she is ready for contact with her clitoris.

If she is aroused enough to open her legs willingly and present her vulva to your gaze, why not take a minute to admire it and tell her how beautiful it is?

It's certainly one of the most individual and wonderful parts of a woman's body - with the labia (the vulval lips) hiding that sweet, secret entry to her body, her clitoris nestling under the inner labia, and the hair surrounding and highlighting the whole delicate area.

The inner labia may be prominent or discreet, the outer labia pronounced or small, but somewhere within lie the keys to her happiness - her clitoris and vagina - and yours as well.

A good starting point for oral sex is to move your tongue wetly across the whole surface of her vulva from base to tip. You might both find it arousing if you lick at her anus, but it's best to be careful with anal play - if the bacteria from her anus enter her vagina, they can set up a yeast infection or a bacterial infection which is unpleasant for her.

Check out this information on a home remedy for yeast infection if you need help.

But the anus is a sensitive place in both men and women, both on the outside and the inside, full of nerve endings, and it seems a shame to ignore its potential as a sexual pleasure zone.

You might like to explore it with a finger as you stimulate the area around her clitoris and vulva with your tongue.

One thing that's definitely needed is plenty of lubrication such as saliva, or her own natural juices, or a water based lube that has little or no taste, as you lick her vulva.

The experience will not be particularly pleasant for her if her vulva is dry.

If you try penetration, the added friction on your penis may make you unable to sustain intercourse for very long if you try to make love.

This is not a case of needing to know how to last longer in bed, it's a case of bad sexual technique.

Nice ways to arouse your partner at this point are to move your tongue around and across her vulva, along her inner thighs and up and down her labia, teasing and tickling as you go.

You can also push your tongue into her vagina or lick around the entrance.

She may find this very exciting (as indeed may you!), but at some point you need to concentrate on her clitoris.

The golden rule is to find out what she likes: you may have plenty of experience of oral sex or none at all, but don't assume that all women like the same sort of stimulation. In other words, what's worked before may not work this time.

Some women have a clitoris that is much more sensitive than others.

Some will like direct contact with their clitoris early on in the process and some will only want it when they are very aroused.

If you have a partner who is able to give you feedback on what she's feeling, then you can adjust your movements according to what she wants.

If your partner doesn't find it as easy to tell you what she wants or likes you may have to experiment a bit longer, but you'll always know when you've found the right approach because she will obviously be getting aroused.

Look for body movements, hip thrusts, moans, pressing her vulva against your face so as to get greater contact, nipple erection, clitoral erection and increasing vaginal lubrication.

(By the way, as her scent and juices rise with her excitement, you may find you are taken over by what seems almost like an animalistic passion and sexual desire.

Don't succumb to this. Be strong. You may well want to put your penis inside her - and she may even want you to as well - but you can resist at this stage. Your pleasure will come later.)

If a woman is having trouble experiencing orgasm, how to be orgasmic is a website which may be helpful in developing her orgasmic capacity - both for pre-orgasmic women and women who are already orgasmic but sometimes have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse.

There is a similar condition in men, known as male orgasmic disorder, which manifests as the inability to reach orgasm or ejaculate during sex: the condition is known as retarded or delayed ejaculation, and it affects about one man in twelve.

If this is a problem for you or a man you know, the self help treatment program explained in detail on that website is likely to be very successful.

While we are on the subject of sexual dysfunction, it's worth bearing in mind that erectile dysfunction is one of the most common male sexual dysfunctions, and it affects many men of all ages with complete or partial loss of erection problems.

There are ways to deal with it at home, and they are described in detail on the links shown above.

Ideas for clitoral & vaginal stimulation during fellatio and intercourse

  • Place your mouth over her vulva and move your tongue back and forth lightly over her clit - this is easiest when she is highly aroused and her clit is erect, so that you can easily feel it

  • Place your mouth over her clit and lick up or down in strokes, just flicking her clit lightly in one direction each time

  • Lick up the side of her clitoris and back down directly over the shaft and glans

  • Alternate between periods of vaginal penetration with your tongue and clitoral strokes with the tip of your tongue

  • Hold back the hood of the clitoris with two fingers from the top and lick the glans of the clitoris gently using a stroking motion across its surface

  • Vary the hardness of your tongue between strokes

  • Purse your lips over her clit and gently take it into your mouth (imagine sucking a little blob of jam or jelly off your little finger and use the same kind of motion - but be careful, as she may find this far too strong a movement!)

  • Read information on improving sex for women and find out how to pleasure a woman correctly every time you make love.

  • Use oral sex as a prelude to sexual intercourse

  • The stimuli of the penile nerves may differ whether the stimuli are localized mainly in the frenulum, prepuce or the posterior rim of the glans; whether the vagina is a trifle wider or narrower; whether it is smooth or delicately folded and crinkled; whether the introitus vagina, fits the shaft of the penis closely, or hardly clasps it at all; whether the tip of the penis touches the depths of the vagina or not.

  • A normal penis cannot be perfectly stimulated by an unusually wide and slack vagina. Therefore, the physical stimulation given to the male organ by the contact of the female genitalia is considerably increased by sexual excitement and desire on her part.

  • Quite apart from the lubricating secretions of the vestibular glands which counteract pain in both partners, the woman's excitement and desire congests the vaginal walls and draws the mouth of the womb downwards, thus producing an elastic tension with a velvety softness around the male organ. This vaginal clasp, in its pillowy softness and delicacy, its intense warmth, is in itself a delight. A further delight, very acute and individual, is given by the occasional undulations or contractions of the vaginal muscles which occur in some woman during strong sexual excitement.

  • Finally, a most important factor is the involuntary convulsion of the muscles of the pelvic floor in the last stages of excitement and during the woman's orgasm; equally, the conscious and voluntary rhythmic contractions of these muscles (particularly of the Levator vagitue and Constrictor cunni), can be operated in order to increase the pleasure of both partners.

  • The greatest stimulation is provided by the reciprocal pressure and friction of the penis and the vagina. It is obvious that this pressure must be intensified when the vagina is sufficiently congested and grips the male organs as closely as possible.

  • The value of sexual desire and sexual pleasure in the woman includes the facts that that they greatly enhance the stimulation the man receives.

And when she begins to get near orgasm, whatever you do, don't stop. She will easily lose her arousal if you stop or vary the pressure and stimulation of your tongue.

She needs regular movements to come, so you need to keep going and, if necessary, speed up the strokes of your tongue.

Regular, consistent strokes of your tongue across the glans of her clit or, if her clit itself is too sensitive, across the tissues right next to it, are the best way to bring her off. You may also need to increase pressure to tip her over the edge into orgasm.

8 What to do if your tongue gets tired

Unfortunately, prolonged cunnilingus can be very tiring on the tongue. These tips can be really helpful if you haven't put your tongue through a rigorous training exercise before you start giving her oral sex on a regular basis!

First, when your tongue is getting tired, switch from moving your tongue directly, to using your whole jaw to move your tongue by slightly opening and closing it. If you tire of this, move your entire head, so that it's doing the actual work that makes your tongue move.

When even your neck tires, gently rock your entire body back and forth at the same speed that you were doing each of the other movements, so that it's your body that's actually doing the work to move your tongue.

Of course this mainly works when you're going for simpler, rhythmic motions, so keep the fancy tongue movements for when your tongue's doing all of the work. You can switch back to tongue-only motion as your tongue recovers.

9 Other points to remember

When she's come, ease up on the pressure and speed of your movements and stop when she tells you to. Some clits are just like some penises: after sex they are too sensitive to bear any more direct contact for a while.

If you suffer from premature ejaculation, then oral sex on your partner is a very good way to help her get sexual pleasure before you enter her - especially if the duration of intercourse is likely to be short due to your premature ejaculation.

Cuddle and love her after her orgasm. This is a time when a woman can feel very vulnerable and exposed, and she needs to be treasured and cherished.

There are lots of ways of showing her how much you love and value her - cuddling and kissing may be one, and so might gentle loving intercourse, in the missionary position, so you can look lovingly into each other's eyes.

But however you do it, make sure you don't roll over and go to sleep straight away!

Good luck!

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