Sex and Love
The clitoris and female sexuality
You might know that both male and female babies start out identical, and the penis develops from the same fetal tissue as the clitoris.
It is the presence of the hormone testosterone in the male baby which causes the tissue to develop into a penis. Just imagine, all the sensitivity of your penis, concentrated into something the size of a clitoris.
Wow! Imagine it. Nothing to do except produce orgasms and make the woman feel good. Hardly surprising that they complain when we ignore it!
And complain they do, because all the studies show the same thing: the majority of women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to have an orgasm.
In Shere Hite's research on the sexual sensitivity of women, the most common complaint was that men don't take the time and trouble to find out how women best like to be aroused. Now, I'm not an expert.
But you want to know more, don't you? You want to know how to find the clitoris, stimulate it, caress it, and prepare your woman for enjoyment?
The only part easily visible is the glans with its hood at the point where the labia minora join together. The glans is similar in appearance to the head of the penis (although tiny) but it doesn't have an opening.
From the glans, the shaft of the clitoris extends below the muscular tissue of the vulva.
The shaft, covered in fibrous-elastic tissue, is the essential part of the clitoris which leads women towards orgasm. It can sometimes be stimulated simply by gently caressing the mount of Venus (mons pubis).
Because it is so hidden away, the clitoris is very difficult to measure.
In a newborn baby it's about 4 or 5 millimeters and by the time a woman is fully grown it averages some 16 millimeters. It's most notable characteristic is that it has no practical purpose other than pleasure.
It is made up of a mass of nerve endings - 8,000 or so - which is a higher concentration than any other organ in the body, including the fingertips, lips and tongue.
It is twice as sensitive as the penis.divided women's sexual response into four phases: arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. These are arbitrary definitions and a woman may not necessarily be aware of her body experiencing each separate phase.
The length of time she remains in each phase, and even the order of the phases is something very individual.
A woman may become aroused several times during a date or encounter, without being fully aware of it and without reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and also the plateau phase while out dancing, but return to her normal non-aroused state on the way home.
Once at home, she might become aroused very quickly and have an orgasm without experiencing the plateau phase at all.
The way in which each person experiences each phase is unique, and will also vary according to her mood, the situation and whom she is with.
Lubrication of the vaginal walls. Once sexual stimulation has started (either physical, by touching the genital area, the breasts or another erogenous zone, or mental stimulation by way of erotic thoughts) there is an increased blood flow to the walls of the vagina and secretion of lubricating moisture in the vagina and vulva.
The speed of lubrication varies from one woman to another, but it usually starts between 10 and 30 seconds after stimulation begins.
This lubrication is very important as it
makes intercourse comfortable. However, men need to understand
that just because a woman is well lubricated it does not necessarily
mean she is ready for penetration.
This becomes erect when a woman is sexually excited, swelling up to twice its normal size.
The size of the clitoris is very variable and,
like the penis, size bears no relation to the extent of satisfaction
obtained during orgasm.
Erection of the nipples occurs through the same mechanism as that which produces erection of the penis and clitoris, i.e., an increase of blood flow to the area.
The breasts also swell, so that their
size increases during the arousal phase and the areolas (the area
surrounding the nipple) may also become swollen.
During the arousal phase, the uterus (womb) moves backwards to make the vagina more cylindrical and permit the entry of the penis. There is an increased blood flow to the vagina.
This also makes
the walls of the vagina smoother, whereas when the woman is not
they have a corrugated appearance. Lubrication (see above) makes
the vagina wet and slippery and easy for the penis to enter.
Some 75 percent of women
(and some men) will experience a flush, or reddish skin rash, on the
chest or abdomen, or elsewhere on the body.
If you look at the list above of physical changes in the aroused woman, you will see that she is not ready for penetration until all of those things have occurred, well into the plateau phase. Vaginal lubrication alone does not signify that she's ready.
Women need long sessions of foreplay to become fully aroused, and sexual intercourse will then be much more exciting and pleasurable for both the man and the woman.
OrgasmDuring her orgasm phase a woman may experience the following:
The physical sensations in the genitals are often described as 'hot' or 'electric' and radiating out to the whole body. The majority of women experience muscular contraction in the vagina or lower pelvis, often described as 'pelvic palpitations'.
During the phase of resolution a woman may experience the following:
The Tao of Badass is a great program for men who have similar issues - it's about increasing confidence, ensuring men know how to approach and treat women, and above all, ensuring they can make love well.
Updated 23 February 2020