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Sex and Love
Anal sex information
Anal sex may be an interesting experiment for some couples; others may be repelled by the idea; some may be indifferent to it; and some may want to make it a regular feature of their sex lives.
But if you do want to try it, then you need to do it safely and knowledgeably, so that you don't have any problems.
For men, anal sex can be very exciting because of the greater tightness of the anal passage compared to the vagina. There is also, of course, a powerful sexual appeal for men in the sight of a woman's butt.
For women, the experience of anal sex can be enjoyable because there are so many erogenous nerve endings around the anus; she may also get pleasure from the sight of her partner enjoying himself so much while he fucks her anally.
Apparently about two thirds of couple have tried anal sex; it's less clear how many of them practice it regularly. But one thing's for sure - if your partner doesn't want to try it, this isn't something you can force.
It can be very unattractive to some people, so if your partner doesn't like it - forget it. In any case, there has to be plenty of discussion between the partners before they try anal sex, since it is such a "taboo" act.
We have this image of the anus as dirty, as being only a means to remove waste, and overcoming these impressions can be challenging.
But the truth is that the anus is erotic, it is linked to sexual nerves, and in women it can be highly sensitive to gentle stimulation; while for men it represents the route to prostate massage through the wall of the rectum, which can be an exceedingly enjoyable experience.
In addition, women may be aroused the naughtiness of the whole idea, and sexually satisfied by the intense feeling of being penetrated which anal sex can provide.
Before you start, it's clearly a sensible precaution to make sure that you've had a shit as recently as possible, and to wash well, running a finger up and around the anal canal to check for any residue that may be lodged just inside.
A small douche can help, too, but in general you won't find cleanliness to be as much of a problem as you might imagine. But if you do come into contact with any feces, just wash your fingers or penis well.
A condom is always a good idea in anal sex, because you want to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, and because it can be more esthetic.
Using a condom can also help to avoid urinary tract infections for the man, which, though rare, do sometimes happen. And above all, never put anything that's been up an anus into a woman's vagina, as the bacteria from the rectum can cause infections like cystitis.
A large quantity of lubricant for anal intercourse is essential for successful anal sex. There is no natural lube in that part of the body, so you have to provide it. As any man who has had a rectal exam to check the health of his prostate will confirm, the more lube the better!
There's a saying about anal sex: too much lube is almost enough. If this means anything, it means that you are going to need copious amounts of a water based lube (or an oil based lube if you're not wearing a condom) such as Probe or Astroglide.
And you're going to need to spread it around, on and in the anus that's being penetrated, and liberally onto any finger, dildo or penis that's going to be doing the penetrating.
For anal sex novices, a good way to start is to play with a fingertip around the anus.
With the aid of lots of lube, it's easy to get comfortable with light touches, tickling and gentle probing of the central opening of the anus. You'll find that the best way to get inside is to be very gentle.
The body has to accommodate to some new sensations when it is being penetrated in this way, and the natural reaction of the anal sphincter is to shut tight around any intruding object, so a slow pace and gentleness are essential to success.
Once the receiver has become accustomed to the sensations of anal play, you can gently press your finger further in to her - or him, for men may like to try being the receiver as well: it is just as erotic for men to receive anal penetration with a finger or sex toy as it is for women.
It's a great idea to vary the pace, pressure, and direction of the strokes you make around your partner's anus.
As you play with it, the opening may either tighten up or loosen up, depending pretty much on how the receiver is mentally responding to the idea of being penetrated.
If it is tightening up, deep breathing may helpful in dispelling the tension; you can also encourage the receiver to imagine their body opening gracefully, like a flower, to receive your loving attention!
One of the easiest ways to learn to accept anal penetration is to play with your own anus while you are in the shower or bath.
That way hygiene issues become less significant, and you have a warm, relaxing environment where you can experiment in privacy.
Having accepted anal touch with a finger tip, the next step might be to use your tongue.
If the idea is just too off-putting for you, then don't take it any further, but if you do want to try it, have your partner wash very well indeed so that there is no possibility of you ingesting any of his or her shit.
There are many scent glands around the anus which may make it a very erotic experience for a man to lick and taste his partner's anal sphincter and the area around it.
In addition, the warm sloppy wetness of a tongue on an anus can be very exciting for the person lucky enough to receive this attention.
A word of advice though: don't try this with lube around the place - lube can taste atrocious.
The obvious next step is to put your finger right into your partner's anus. This kind of sex does require lubricant - and lots of it!
And it also requires gentle but firm pressure on the center of your partner's anus: slow and steady are the watchwords here.
The gentler the pressure, the slower you move forwards, and the greater the amount of lube you use, the more likely you are to succeed.
There are two rings of muscles at this entrance to the body, one on the outside, and one deeper inside, at the entry to the rectum, at the end of the anal canal.
The two rings of muscle are only a half inch or so apart, but you have to pass through both to get into the rectum.
The external sphincter relaxes more easily than the internal one, which will clamp shut regardless of your intentions if its owner is scared or frightened about what is happening.
Once a man is inside a woman's anus, a little cunnilingus combined with some gentle finger play in on and around her anus may be very arousing for her - though she may appreciate just as much the feel of a finger moving around the skin just outside her anus while you lick her clitoris and vulva.
When a woman has penetrated a man, she can massage his prostate, which lies behind the upper wall of the rectum as you can see here:
It's a good idea for the woman to massage around and across his internal tissues until she finds the exact spot which gives her man most pleasure. She will need to be gentle while she establishes how much pressure he likes and what kind of movement is most exciting for him.
When you come to move on to anal intercourse, you have to change a few things from the way you do vaginal sex. First off, start by looking where you're going.
You need to aim your penis, preferably by hand, at the very center of your partner's opening. You have to hit the center or you may not get in at all. Her anus will relax to accommodate your penis with as little resistance as it did to admit your finger - unless, of course, your penis is enormous, in which case you will have to enter very slowly indeed.
Remember what if feels like when you pass a large turd? That may give you some idea of how uncomfortable a large penis can be for a woman when you insert it into her anus.
Hopefully, though, you are of more average dimensions, and you won't have trouble getting it in.
A good technique to help things along is to have your partner mentally say to herself something like: "I am welcoming your penis into my body. My body relaxes to accommodate your penis. I welcome you into me."
And once again, deep breathing can be very helpful in relaxing the muscles of the sphincter so that your penis will slide in more easily - and don't forget to keep applying lots of lube!
There is another page on this site with some ideas for anal sex positions. Watch out for transmission of yeast infections between partners during unprotected sex - especially anal sex.
A good kind of movement that often helps a man gain entry to his partner's anus is a series of very small, slow thrusts back and forth as you go in.
Too deep a thrust, and certainly too hard a thrust, will immediately cause her anus to lock up. This might be painful for both of you! So take it slowly, and use the back and forth "pumping" movement until you feel resistance slackening off, at which point you may press forwards more firmly.
Assuming that you have been successful in gaining entry to her rectum, what do you do next? The answer, of course, is to thrust - but you have to moderate how hard you do this, for several reasons.
First, because she is not producing any natural lube as you fuck you may need to add more as the sex proceeds.
Second, because the anal canal is so much tighter than the vagina, you may need to go more slowly so that she is comfortable; and third, because the rectum is not designed to take a penis, you will need to thrust more slowly so as to ensure the experience is a comfortable and pleasant one for both of you.
But having said all of that there is no reason why you shouldn't experiment with different depths of thrusts, or try lying still and just enjoying the sensation of being deep in your partner.
Just be sure to respect each other's wishes, and stop if either partner is becoming uncomfortable.
A final note about men and anal sex: it is possible for a woman to fuck her man up the ass with a strap-on dildo. Why? Well, several reasons.
For a couple who want to experiment with their sex lives, this kind of role reversal can be very exciting. It gives a woman an opportunity to have a sense of what it's like to be the penetrating partner. For the man, the reverse is obviously true.
But maybe more importantly, it will stimulate his prostate while he is fucked in a way that no other sexual play can imitate.
It is possible for men to reach orgasm this way with no other stimulation, though a better option is for him to masturbate while receiving anal sex.
Of course, such role play does allow a man to last much longer in bed, since he is basically in control of his orgasm and when he achieves it. This can be a very exciting sexual experience for both partners!
The intensity of his orgasm will be many, many times greater if he is having his anus and prostate stimulated in this way when he comes.
And some strap-on dildoes have a smaller arm which a woman can insert into her vagina while she thrusts the bigger arm up her partner's ass.
And if the base of the strap-on presses on her clitoral area, she may well come from the thrusting, which is a fascinating and highly enjoyable experience (so I'm told by a woman who has tried it).
Every man who has ever failed to give his partner an orgasm needs this report. It explains exactly how and why the female orgasm is such a mystery - and then shows you exactly how you can give your partner unlimited orgasms whenever she wants them.
Updated 23 February 2020