Sex and Love 

Oral sex - fellatio

For women: how to make oral sex great for your male partner!

Fellatio is a funny word - and so, for that matter, is the expression "giving head". And while the crude term "cock-sucking" might be OK when you're aroused and horny, for a discussion like this about something that can be so sexy, so exciting, and such a profound demonstration of love, we need a better way of describing it.

However, for the moment, giving head, oral sex, and fellatio will have to do! This is advice aimed primarily at women who want to please their man in this way, though a couple who are shy of talking about oral sex can read the page together and hopefully use it as the basis of both discussion about sex and a session in the bedroom doing it!

As a woman, aiming to please her man with oral sex, the first thing to do is make sure you're very familiar with his penis and balls. Take a good look at them, especially if you have never studied them really closely.

If you can acquaint yourself with his pride and joy at close quarters before you start giving him oral sex, he - and you - will probably enjoy the experience a whole lot more!

You have to understand how important a man's penis is to him. It really is the center of his sense of maleness, and he will admire it enormously. He may think it's too small, too big, or whatever, but one thing's for sure: he'll be thinking about it and what it can do all the time.

So if you, as his female partner, show respect and pleasure for his greatest asset, he'll be won over right from the start! Apart from that, of course, knowing what you are dealing with will help you relax and enjoy the experience more as well. 

Should you wish to look at the politics and gender oppression issues which might be involved in the simple act of orally pleasuring a man, check this out: mouths wide open

First of all, you probably already know that men have a slightly different attitude - in general - to personal hygiene than women. So, if he isn't as clean as he might be, ask him to wash.

Second, he will never think his penis is too dirty for you to go down on: so whatever your attitude to oral sex, and whatever you think of him licking your vulva, he will almost certainly want you to give him pleasure this way, and he will be upset if you don't wish to do it.

While that isn't a reason to feel pressurized into giving head if you really can't face it, you have to understand that for a man, having his penis accepted into his partner's mouth is one of the greatest signs of trust and love he knows (just as you feel the same about accepting his penis into your vagina, perhaps).

So, when his penis is erect, have a look at it. The most sensitive part for many men - but not all - is the area on the underside of the penis just below the glans where the frenulum leaves the penis shaft and joins to the foreskin.

If he is circumcised, he may well have the remnants of a frenulum, and you may find that this general area is still much the most sensitive on his whole penis. The glans is all pretty sensitive, but the coronal rim, the bottom edge of the glans, is probably the most sensitive part of it. His penis shaft, by comparison, is relatively much less sensitive, though he'll still appreciate you paying it attention.

One thing that women and men often forget is that the testicles are extremely sensitive and can add greatly to the pleasure of oral sex if you fondle them while you lick and take his penis into your mouth. This is equivalent to the skin of your labia being licked and fondled - and you know how good that can feel. And the very opening of his urethra may be extremely sensitive. 

The point is this: if you play around with his penis using your well-lubricated fingers and the palm of your hand (or your mouth, lips or tongue, if you've got that far), you'll soon discover what he likes best - he'll moan or tell you, or wriggle and squirm with pleasure. It will be quite obvious what he likes.

As you discover the areas which give him most pleasure, naturally enough you will focus on them as you give him head. If his most sensitive point is his corona and frenulum, focus there. He'll find it very exciting if you lick, circle and tap the area with the tip of your tongue with your tongue.

Another thing that may be helpful for you during oral sex - especially if you don't want to swallow his semen - is to learn the signs that indicate he is going to come (or "cum" or "ejaculate"). Usually a man's erect penis will get even harder immediately before he comes, and the head of his penis will swell even more.

You may also see drops of clear precum appear on the end of his penis just before he orgasms, though this can also drip out during earlier sex play, so it isn't as reliable a sign of impending orgasm and ejaculation as the hardening of his penis.

He may also tense his body or thrust his hips upwards. Certainly, as you get to know his sexual responses better, you'll have no trouble recognizing the signs which mean he is approaching the moments of his highest pleasure.

Generally speaking, the best oral sex positions on a man are either to lie or sit beside him and approach his penis from the side of his body, or to kneel astride him, facing away from him, with your bottom over his chest and your mouth taking the end of his erect penis while your hand remains free to caress his testicles.

One of the great sexual myths is that the "69" is the ultimate sexual position for oral sex. This is where both partners have their faces in the other's genitals and give each other oral sex simultaneously.

However, it's almost always the case that one partner gets so immersed in the pleasure that they stop doing it to the other one. My suggestion is that you try this as a novelty if you want, but don't regard it as a sexual staple.

There are many ways to give pleasure to a man with oral sex. Indeed, judging by his response, the simple fact that you have his penis in your mouth may seem pleasure enough! But of course there are different movements you can make that will considerably enhance his pleasure.

The first possibility is to take his penis in your mouth and simply to circle it around your cheeks, allowing your tongue to caress the glans and frenulum as you move his erect cock around. You need to watch your teeth, perhaps covering them with your lips to ensure the delicate tissues of his penis are not scraped by your canines as you do so.

Another interesting variation is to kneel in front of your partner and lift his erect penis to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls, and then, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock.

It's a nice feeling if you do this several times in succession, as if you were licking a lollipop or ice cream cone. This technique tends to make men come quite quickly!

Yet another best sex position is to take his penis into your mouth through your pursed lips as though he is penetrating your vagina. If you enclose the shaft of his penis in your hand as you do this it will enhance the sensation of penetration for him. You're not necessarily aiming to take him deep into your mouth - just taking the head of his cock may well be enough to give him great pleasure, and you can move your head back and forth to simulate the movements of intercourse. There are, however, several other possibilities from this point.

  • Try twisting your head from side to side making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge. While doing this gently move your hand up and down his shaft. 

  • You can suck hard on his penis as he moves in and out of you - apparently some guys like this and others hate it. An interesting idea is to suck hard on the instroke and lighten up on the outstroke, perhaps, or vice versa.

  • Licking is a good idea in the early stages of oral sex, as part of the warm-up to more rhythmic movements of your mouth that simulate (to some degree) intercourse. You can trace your tongue moistly and warmly over the flesh of his penis and balls, around the skin of his glans, and across his testicles to delight him, but he is sure to get aroused by this and want you to take his whole penis into your mouth. As we saw above, this is not necessary if you are frightened of gagging, say, as you can just take the head of his penis into your mouth and encircle the rest of his shaft with your hand. Some guys have a very sensitive spot at the exact point where the inside of his thigh meets the skin of his scrotum, on each side. 
  • As you have his penis in your mouth, lapping with your tongue at his glans can be very exciting. And if he is uncircumcised, trying to stick your tongue down between his foreskin and his glans is likely to be very exciting for him.
  • Don't forget that the shaft of the penis can be very sensitive in some men, especially the side with the "join" line along its length - the raphe. Try stimulating along the length of this part of his shaft with your mouth, tongue and even (gently) with your teeth. Watch out for his reaction.
  • The testicles are definitely an adjunct to oral sex pleasure for many guys. Sadly, there are probably just as many for whom testicular play is off the agenda! You can find out what your man likes by gently taking your partner's testicles in your mouth or by licking them and seeing how he reacts. But do remember at all times to be gentle - they are so exquisitely sensitive and it's easy to step beyond stimulation into the area of pain. 

Difficulties to avoid - gagging & spitting/swallowing

While your man may may wish you to take his cock down your throat as far as you can, there is a limit to the depth to which it will go before you start to gag. This can be overcome if you swallow hard at the moment that you start to gag.

Whether or not you swallow or spit is up to you - it really is a matter of personal preference. Generally the objections that women have to swallowing are around taste rather than the texture, so it may be helpful to know that the taste of a guy's semen can be changed by what he eats. For example, pineapple is reputed to improve the taste, while curry, beer and asparagus are definite no-no's which will make his semen taste very unpleasant.

Most guys would very much like you to swallow their semen as they ejaculate. If you want to do this - perhaps just because you know how much pleasure it will give him - then you may be able to avoid the issue of the unpleasant taste if you swallow hard as he begins to ejaculate.

All in all, oral sex is a great source of pleasure for men, and one which they love to enjoy. If you can enjoy giving as much as he enjoys receiving, then your sex life will be much enhanced.

If you suffer from delayed ejaculation, you won't need us to tell you what a problem it can be. For one thing, there isn't much sexual satisfaction to be had for either you or your partner. But delayed ejaculation - also known as retarded ejaculation - is not a problem you have to live with. Indeed, delayed ejaculation treatment at home (where you have complete privacy) is easy and straightforward, and it will get you a whole new life of sexual pleasure.

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