Sex and Love
Extended Orgasm (1)
There
are simple ways in which you can extend the pleasure of your orgasms into
minutes or even hours. Though this may seem unlikely, the average orgasm - even
for a woman - consists of ten or so muscular contractions, and there's ample
evidence that learning how to extend it isn't actually that difficult. The techniques
described here are based on the book ESO: Extended Sexual Orgasm,
by Alan and Donna Brauer. The focus of this article is how a man can bring a
woman to orgasm for a much longer time than normal.
After
enough foreplay to get her aroused, the woman lies comfortably on her back with
her head propped on a pillow, and separates her legs in any way that gives her
the maximum comfort.
The
man needs to find a comfortable place where he can see and easily touch his
partner's genitals. When he is comfortable, he lubes his hand with an ample amount
of long-lasting lubricant, and then applies it to his partner's entire genital area:
her inner and outer labia, her clitoris, the opening of her vagina, a little way into the vagina itself, and down along the perineum.
If both partners like it, he can also massage her perineum and anal area, which
is a sensitive erogenous zone.
The man now starts to stimulate the sensitive tissues of his partner's genital
area by working from her less erogenous areas towards her more erogenous areas:
in other words, teasing, playing with the skin and hair around her genitals,
just lightly touching her sensitive parts and then drawing away again, and
generally working towards her clitoris and vulva as she becomes more aroused.
Since this is what women do when they masturbate, she can explain the process to
him - men are generally very penis-focused and may therefore assume she wants
his attention straight on her clitoris.
Stroking her clitoris
Because the clitoris is so sensitive, a man
needs to find out how his partner likes to be touched, and also in what way. She
may prefer direct touch, or indirect touch; she may prefer circling movements or
rubbing up and down. This is a matter for the couple to work out together - there's
no preset formula that will work for all women, and to ensure that the woman receives
the stimulation she needs to reach a prolonged orgasm, it's necessary that she
is happy with the way she is being stimulated. Good communication is essential
here: without it, irritation and blame may creep in. But feedback can be delivered
in a way that doesn't hurt the man's pride - after all, he can't be expected to
guess what she wants - he needs help. So she can say things like: "Lighter;
harder, up; to the side; on the clitoris, down; rub the whole area; that feels
good, and can you also..." so that the whole experience stays stress-free
for both of you.
The process of building trust and establishing extended orgasm is much easier when a couple have a good and open relationship.
But even if you do, it can still be helpful to devote a few sessions of sexual foreplay to
showing each other how you both like your penis and clitoris (and everywhere
else) to be stimulated - what kinds of strokes work best for you, and the
strength of touch that is most pleasurable.
It's important for a man to understand that a woman may need a few minutes to
work out whether a change of touch or movement on her vulva or clitoris is
pleasurable for her. She doesn't get the instant kind of feedback that a man
enjoys when he is masturbating - he knows right away if something doesn't suit
him, and he changes it. A woman needs longer to appreciate the feelings she gets
from a particular movement.
A good way to identify what your partner likes is to try stimulating different
areas of the clitoris and to use different strokes - but change strokes slowly
and gradually. If she shows signs of increasing arousal - especially if her
labia become engorged and a deeper red color - then you are on the right track.
One especially good movement is to gently hold her clitoris between the
forefinger and thumb of one hand as you gently stroke over it with the tip of
the forefinger of the other hand.
The movement your finger traces on her clitoris
can be up and down, or from side to side across the surface of the clitoris. To reemphasize
the point, you need to experiment and find out what your partner likes. In all
cases your basic stroke should be slow and steady, about one cycle per second.
It's especially important to keep up a steady rhythm. Even if she doesn't appear
to be responding to what you're doing, it's important to keep up a steady movement
- a woman's arousal builds up much more slowly than a man's, and her arousal may
well be increasing as you work, even if she is not moving or moaning much. If
you break the sequence, you may well interrupt her ascent into sexual pleasure,
and the whole process then becomes jerky and interrupted rather than smoothly
flowing.
Watch your partner's reaction. If a stroke is working, it arouses her: her labia
become more swollen and red with increased blood flow, her clitoris becomes
erect and stands up proud of her body, and the glans of her clitoris is revealed
as the clitoral hood recedes (just as the foreskin peels back when your cock
becomes erect).
Your partner can guide you by making sounds. If what you're doing feels right, she can moan, hum,
or sigh with pleasure; this lets you know that she's getting aroused, and it's
also arousing in itself. By contrast, talking at this point is
distracting.
Another useful sign of arousal is the way your partner moves: when she's aroused,
she will shift her pelvis in a way that tilts her vulva towards your hand. She's
asking, in effect, for greater contact. If she moves away from your touch -
perhaps in a slight movement of only a quarter inch or so - then you need to
slow down, change movement or ask her to tell you what she needs. Other useful
indicators of increasing arousal are moaning, increasing muscular tension, curling
of her toes and feet, and slight sweating.
Building arousal
By skillfully using a mixture of stimulating and slightly less exciting strokes,
you can build your partner's sexual tension to very high levels. Use up to ten
strokes in a way that you know will excite her, then relax the pressure, or move
slightly to one side of her clitoris, so that she gets less stimulation, and
move your fingers in this less stimulating way for two, three or four strokes.
In some cases, you may even find that if you stop moving your fingers altogether
for a second or two there will be a big increase in her arousal when you start
again. It's all dependent on the individual woman you're with, but the general
process is this: stimulate, back off, stimulate. When you do this, her arousal
may build rapidly to much higher levels than it would if you continually
stimulated her in the same way. She may protest when you ease off, but as long
as you don't ease off or stop for so long that her arousal drops significantly,
she will continue to move towards high arousal when you reapply your fingers.
You can take her to extremely high levels of arousal with only your thumb and forefinger. For a variation, add the
middle finger, so you have three fingers cradling the clitoris. The thumb continues to anchor the clitoris from above; the forefinger
and the middle finger then stroke the sides of the clitoris and its base. This is an excellent clitoral control stroke.
The point is to find the best way to build arousal to higher and higher levels, always backing off when the climbing stops.
You're also likely to find that at some point she wants your finger(s) inside
her vagina. You can gently insert one or two fingers with the pads of the
finger tips facing upwards (assuming she's lying on her back) and gently massage
her G spot in the way described on another set of information about
extended orgasm. It's important to understand that the stimulation of her
vagina and clitoris will complement each other as she moves towards orgasm. And
when she begins to tip over into orgasm it's essential to be stimulating her G spot.
Resistances
While you're stroking her clitoris, what's your partner doing? She's feeling
good, certainly, but she's also thinking, and that thinking will interfere with
her ability to reach orgasm. These intrusive and disruptive thoughts are called
"resistances".
Continued here
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Other pages on this site:
Home
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Premature ejaculation
Anal sex
Anal sex positions
Arousal, orgasm and ejaculation
Circumcision & the penis
The clitoris & female sexuality
Female ejaculation & the G spot
Women & sex
Cunnilingus
Fellatio
Oral sex techniques
Making love last a lifetime
Extended orgasm for women (1)
Extended orgasm for women (2)
Male multiple orgasms
Multiple orgasms for couples
Multiple orgasms & sexual healing
Tantric sex
Tantric sex
How to improve your sex life
Making love and having sex
Sex and love
Relationships and sex
Making love after 50 years of age
Men and the one night stand
The penis and gender politics
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