Sex and Love
The clitoris and female sexuality
You might know that both
male and female babies start out identical, and the penis develops
from the same fetal tissue as the clitoris. It is the presence
of the hormone testosterone in the male baby which causes the tissue
to develop into a penis. Just imagine, all the sensitivity of
your penis, concentrated into something the size of a clitoris.
Wow! Imagine it.
Nothing to do except produce orgasms and make the woman feel good.
Hardly surprising that they complain when we ignore it! And complain
they do, because all
the studies show the same thing: the majority of women need
direct stimulation of the clitoris to have an orgasm. In Shere Hite's research on the sexual sensitivity of women, the most
common complaint was that men don't take the time and trouble to find
out how women best like to be aroused. Now, I'm not an expert.
But you want to know more, don't you? You want to know how to
find the clitoris, stimulate it, caress it, and prepare your woman for
enjoyment?
At only 22 weeks of gestation, the clitoris
has already formed in a female baby and looks just as it will when she
is born. The clitoris has a
cylindrical structure with three sections - hood, glans, and shaft. But
the structure is not easily seen. The shaft is hidden in the flesh of the vulva. The
only part easily visible is the glans with its hood at the point where the
labia minora join together. The glans is similar in
appearance to the head of the penis (although tiny) but it doesn't
have an opening. From the glans, the shaft of the clitoris
extends below the muscular tissue of the vulva. The shaft,
covered in fibrous-elastic tissue, is the essential part of
the clitoris which leads women towards orgasm. It can sometimes
be stimulated simply by gently caressing the mount of Venus (mons
pubis). Because it is so hidden
away, the clitoris is very difficult to measure. In a newborn
baby it's about 4 or 5 millimeters and by the time a woman is fully
grown it averages some 16 millimeters. It's most notable
characteristic is that it has no practical purpose other than
pleasure. It is made up of a mass of nerve endings - 8,000 or so
- which is a higher concentration than any other organ in the body,
including the fingertips, lips and tongue. It is twice as
sensitive as the penis.
Sexologists have
divided
women's sexual response into four phases: arousal, plateau, orgasm and
resolution. These are arbitrary definitions and a woman may not
necessarily be aware of her body experiencing each separate phase. The
length of time she remains in each phase, and even the order of the phases is
something very individual. A woman may become aroused several times
during a date or encounter, without being fully aware of it and without
reaching the plateau phase. She may experience arousal and also the
plateau phase while out dancing, but return to her normal non-aroused state on
the way home. Once at home, she might become aroused very quickly
and have an orgasm without experiencing the plateau phase at all. The
way in which each person experiences each phase is unique, and will also vary
according to her mood, the situation and whom she is with. There is more about
both male and male and female
sexuality and sexual response here.
While a man's erection is an
obvious sign of masculine arousal, in women the signs of arousal are
not always obvious to men. They are:
Lubrication of the vaginal walls. Once sexual
stimulation has started (either physical, by touching the genital
area, the breasts or another erogenous zone, or mental stimulation by
way of erotic thoughts) there is an increased blood flow to the walls
of the vagina and secretion of lubricating moisture in the vagina and
vulva. The speed of lubrication varies from one woman to
another, but it usually starts between 10 and 30 seconds after
stimulation begins. This lubrication is very important as it
makes intercourse comfortable. However, men need to understand
that just because a woman is well lubricated it does not necessarily
mean she is ready for penetration.
Engorgement of the clitoris. As we have
already seen, the clitoris is similar in structure to the penis and
has a little bulb at the end like the head of the penis. This
becomes erect when a woman is sexually excited, swelling up to twice
its normal size. The size of the clitoris is very variable and,
like the penis, size bears no relation to the extent of satisfaction
obtained during orgasm.
Engorgement of the breasts. Erection of the
nipples, through contraction of the muscle fibers surrounding them,
occurs during the arousal phase. Usually one nipple goes hard
before the other, a phenomenon which can also be seen in some men.
Erection of the nipples occurs through the same mechanism as that
which produces erection of the penis and clitoris, i.e., an increase of
blood flow to the area. The breasts also swell, so that their
size increases during the arousal phase and the areolas (the area
surrounding the nipple) may also become swollen.
Swelling of the vaginal lips. Both the outer
lips (labiae majorae) and the inner lips (labiae minorae) fill with blood.
This increases their size and exposes the clitoris. (Normally
the clitoris is hidden where the lips join.)
Increased capacity of the vagina. The vagina is
a kind of virtual cavity: normally the walls are touching each other
but they separate to form a space when the penis enters.
During the arousal phase, the uterus (womb) moves backwards to make
the vagina more cylindrical and permit the entry of the penis.
There is an increased blood flow to the vagina. This also makes
the walls of the vagina smoother, whereas when the woman is not
aroused
they have a corrugated appearance. Lubrication (see above) makes
the vagina wet and slippery and easy for the penis to enter.
Other physical changes. During arousal, both
men and women will experience heavier breathing and a more rapid
heartbeat. Blood pressure increases and the voluntary muscles go
into a cycle of contraction and relaxation. Some 75 percent of
women (and some men) will experience a flush, or reddish skin rash, on
the chest or abdomen, or elsewhere on the body.
The
plateau
During the plateau phase a
women may experience:
- A marked increase in
sexual tension.
- Increasing vaso-congestion
(engorgement) in the vagina causing swelling of the outer third of
the vagina, which results in the vaginal opening narrowing by some
30-40%.
- The internal two
thirds of the vagina swell up further. The woman may
experience some sensations in the vagina and a deep desire to be
penetrated.
- The amount of vaginal
lubrication may diminish, especially if this phase is prolonged.
- The clitoris becomes
increasingly erect and the angle moves upwards towards the mons
pubis.
- The inner lips become
2 or 3 times thicker than usual.
- The increase in
thickness of the inner lips can push the outer lips apart so that
the vaginal opening becomes more obvious and visible.
- The color of the
inner lips changes considerably: from reddish to red or from bright red to dark wine
color. The actual
colors may vary, but the depth
of color change remains the same.
- The areola, the
pigmented area around the nipple, starts to swell.
- The breasts can swell
up to 25 percent in some women.
- 50-70% of woman
experience a 'sex flush' on the breasts or elsewhere, caused by
the increased flow of blood to the skin.
- The heart's rhythm
increases and the heartbeat may be audible.
- There is a marked
increase in muscular tension in the thighs and buttocks.
- At this stage the
woman's body is completely ready for intercourse.
Masters and Johnson observed that they never saw a
woman experience orgasm without first seeing a dramatic color change
of the labia. If a woman reaches the point of labial color change, it is likely that she will have an orgasm.
If you look at the list above of physical changes in the aroused
woman, you will see that she is not ready for penetration until all of
those things have occurred, well into the plateau phase. Vaginal
lubrication alone does not signify that she's ready. Women need
long sessions of foreplay to become fully aroused, and
sexual intercourse will then be much more exciting and pleasurable for both
the man and the woman.
Orgasm
During her orgasm phase a
woman may experience the following:
- Rhythmic muscular
contractions in the outer part of the vagina, the uterus and the
anus. The first contractions are the most intense and occur
at a rate of just over 1 per second. As the contractions
diminish, they occur more randomly. In a gentle orgasm there
may be 3-5 contractions, in an intense one 10-15 contractions.
- The 'sex flush' may become more intense and
spread to a greater proportion of the body.
- Muscles throughout the
body can contract during orgasm, not only those in the pelvic
area.
- Orgasm also causes changes
in brain chemistry, the chief one being the release of hormones
which produce desire for intimacy and connection.
- Some women will spurt
or drip fluid from the urethra during orgasm - this is know as
female ejaculation. Women usually have very strong orgasms
when this occurs.
- Vaso-congestion may be
evident throughout the body, especially in the face, hands and
feet. The facial expression of a woman experiencing a very
pleasurable orgasm may be similar to an expression of pain.
- At the peak of orgasm,
the whole body may become temporarily rigid.
- If stimulation
continues, the woman may experience more than one orgasm (multiple
orgasms).
Masters and Johnson tell
us: Women often describe the sensations of orgasm as starting with a momentary
feeling of being 'on the edge' or 'in mid-air', followed rapidly by
intensely pleasurable sexual sensations
which start in the clitoris and radiate out through the pelvis.
The physical sensations in the genitals are often described as 'hot'
or 'electric' and radiating out to the whole body. The majority
of women experience muscular contraction in the vagina or lower
pelvis, often described as 'pelvic palpitations'.
Resolution
During the phase of
resolution a woman may experience the following:
- The vagina and vaginal
opening return to their normal size.
- The breasts, labia, clitoris
and uterus regain their normal size, position and color.
- The clitoris and
nipples may be very sensitive, so that touching them is
uncomfortable.
- The 'sex flush'
disappears.
- There may be heavy
perspiration and rapid breathing, which gradually slow down and return
to normal.
- The heart rate gradually returns to normal.
- If a woman does not
have an orgasm, she will experience all the above but in a less
intense way. In orgasm, engorged blood is released through
muscular contractions, so if this does not occur she may
experience some pelvic discomfort. Detumescence - the organs
returning to their normal size and shape - may take longer.
If you are in a relationships with a woman
who has trouble reaching orgasm, this website may be helpful. It explains
all about female anorgasmia, lack of
orgasm during sex, and what women can do to reach orgasm during intercourse.
The lack of orgasm can be changed fairly easily with self-help programs.
For men who have similar issues - which may seem
surprising, since we tend to think of the inability to reach orgasm as a
female problem - the condition is called male orgasmic disorder or, more
properly, delayed ejaculation.
This replaces the more derogatory name of retarded ejaculation, but the
condition still affects about one man in twelve and is incredibly frustrating
and disruptive to the sexual pleasure and relationship harmony of a couple
where sex becomes a painful long-lasting chore than results in soreness for
the woman and lack of an orgasm for the man. There are effective self help
programs which can solve the problem in a short space of time. |
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Desire, excitement and orgasm
Sex positions for orgasm
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Circumcision & the penis
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The clitoris & female sexuality
Female ejaculation & the G spot
Women & sex
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Forty mistakes men make in sex
Sexual fantasy
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Penis size & female sexual pleasure
Making love last a lifetime
Extended orgasm for women (1)
Extended orgasm for women (2)
Male multiple orgasms
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Multiple orgasms & sexual healing
Tantric sex
Tantric sex
How to improve your sex life
Making love and having sex
Sex and love
The nature of love
Relationships and sex
Making love after 50 years of age
Men and the one night stand
The penis and gender politics
Foreplay
Low sex drive in men
A catalogue of possibilities
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